DEAR ABBY: My partner and I’ve been fortunately married for 31 years. Nonetheless, we’ve got a strained relationship with our daughter “Willa.”
I’ll admit we have been exhausting on Willa rising up, however we all the time mentioned she might reside at house whereas going to high school. She’s a tough employee, and we’ve got advised her how proud we’re of her accomplishments. She’s going to high school, works two jobs and has by no means wanted something from us.
Though we don’t like her pothead/never-held-a-job boyfriend of 4 years, we’ve tried to simply accept him. We even paid for a household trip and included him.
Now we see our daughter solely on particular events. We did household remedy to assist our relationship, however she stopped going when the boyfriend got here into the image.
My query is: How can I’ve a very good relationship with my daughter?
— MISSING IT IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR MISSING IT: You created a daughter who’s self-reliant, hardworking and impartial, and who probably distanced herself from you since you have been so “hard” on her whereas she was rising up.
I don’t know whether or not I ought to congratulate you or commiserate with you, however so far as having a detailed relationship along with your daughter, that ship could have sailed — until you’ll be able to persuade Willa to get again into household remedy with you.
DEAR ABBY: “Tony” and I dated for 2 years earlier than our son was born. We cut up up seven years in the past, and it’s been on and off since then.
This previous 12 months we’ve got been rising nearer once more, and I requested him what he desires. Tony mentioned he doesn’t desire a romantic relationship with anybody proper now as a result of he’s engaged on his anger points. He’s a former fight Marine, and he’s had these points for years.
I’ve been trustworthy about wanting a relationship when he’s prepared, however I’m actually confused with the blended messages he sends me.
I requested about setting boundaries we each agree on, however Tony says he doesn’t want any and that I ought to do what I really feel is correct for me. This leaves me feeling I’d be getting used if the scenario turns into intimate.
I’ve drawn the boundary at no intercourse until we’re in a relationship. Tony treats me like a buddy and desires to hug or kiss me at instances.
I really feel that as a result of we don’t at present need the identical relationship, I ought to transfer on. What’s your recommendation?
— ON HOLD IN OHIO
DEAR ON HOLD: I’m sorry you didn’t point out how Tony’s anger points manifest themselves. If they’re so extreme that he acts out, he does want skilled assist.
You will have correctly postponed having (extra) intercourse with him with out some type of dedication, which he’s unwilling to make.
From what you could have written, your son’s father isn’t all for greater than a pleasant relationship with you so he can have one along with his son. Whereas I like that, I don’t assume you need to plan on a future with him, or you might find yourself ready perpetually.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
