DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our group of associates is about 15 folks massive. We’ve recognized one another for over three many years.
On the reverse finish of the group is a pair that we solely see when the complete group will get collectively.
We prefer to entertain and have invited this couple for years. They’ve by no means accepted our invites, although they settle for invites from others within the group. In some instances they RSVP “no,” and different instances they don’t reply in any respect.
Lastly, we hosted a celebration and determined to not invite them. All the group received collectively just a few days earlier than our celebration, and several other folks had been speaking about how a lot they had been wanting ahead to it — not realizing that two folks current didn’t get an invite.
Out of the blue I felt like we did the mistaken factor by not inviting them. On one hand, I assumed maybe there’s no hurt in sending an invitation if you already know they received’t come anyway. However, we now have finite house, we’re shopping for meals and provides, and I’d relatively invite folks I do know will come.
A part of me additionally feels that you simply don’t get the courtesy of an invite in the event you by no means present or in the event you repeatedly fail to RSVP.
GENTLE READER: Hearken to that latter a part of you.
Miss Manners assures you that the repeated offense of not answering an invite justifies not getting one other one.
She additional suggests you utilize warning with the excuse that they won’t come anyway in the event you invite them. Too many wedding ceremony hosts depend on that logic and undergo the implications once they guess mistaken.
Had the couple or another person in that pre-party gathering identified the omission — or if the strain was palpable sufficient — you might need stated, “Lacey and Doug, you never seem to be able to attend our parties, so I didn’t want to burden you with an invitation.” It appears it didn’t come to that, however it’s there for the taking if it does.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the well mannered, sort factor to do when one should miss a funeral for causes equivalent to sickness or harm?
My aunt’s mom simply handed away, and the funeral is in just a few days. Nonetheless, I’ve come down with a nasty chilly and, within the curiosity of not making others sick, I plan to not attend except I get well far sooner than anticipated.
I would like my aunt to know that I care sufficient to attend, however I don’t wish to make this about me. Is a textual content applicable? A notice after the funeral?
GENTLE READER: Assuming that you’ve got already written a condolence letter, a cellphone name could be extra private than a textual content — and extra well mannered than a notice afterwards, when everybody may have puzzled the place you had been.
“I am so sorry that I won’t be able to attend, but I’m afraid I have a dreadful cold and I don’t want anyone to catch it,” you may say. It goes with out saying, Miss Manners hopes, that you simply keep away from utilizing hyperbole (e.g., “I’m feeling deathly ill”) for apparent causes.
