DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I obliged to dislike folks my longtime associate dislikes?
On our each day canine stroll in a close-by park, we regularly encounter a lady with a Doberman pinscher that has been aggressive towards our canine prior to now (barking, snapping, pulling on its leash), though it has been behaving higher just lately. My associate dislikes this girl on the grounds that she doesn’t correctly management her canine, and doesn’t prefer it after I greet her with a easy “Good morning.”
Likewise, a lady in our neighborhood had a canine years in the past that behaved aggressively towards my associate’s canine. After we encounter her on the road, my associate ignores her and says I’m being disloyal by not doing the identical. (My traditional greeting is a impartial “hello.”)
How far ought to my loyalty to my associate go?
GENTLE READER: The assist of a associate is highly effective, however, as yours demonstrates, folks don’t at all times totally perceive how it’s speculated to work.
It’s affordable of your associate to anticipate you to take sides towards misbehaving canine homeowners. A cool demeanor in direction of those that don’t management their animals is cheap — although that may nonetheless embody a impartial greeting.
However it is usually your job to inform your associate when public conduct is fallacious. Persevering with to snub somebody for one thing that, within the first case, is not taking place, or, within the second case, occurred years in the past, is impolite.
Your associate must be dissuaded from such conduct, slightly than emulated.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a cloth retailer/upholsterer to order curtains. Whereas I used to be taking a look at materials, a lady stopped me, advised me her identify was Elaine, and requested if I wanted assist. I mentioned no.
After I picked a cloth, Elaine advised me that she could be serving to me order my curtains as a result of she had “helped” me select the material. Nevertheless, my order appeared a lot too difficult for her to know.
I had been helped earlier than by one other worker who’s extra educated, however he mentioned that he was not supposed to assist me as a result of I used to be “assigned” to Elaine. However I by no means picked Elaine, and it’s not working together with her.
Do I’ve any various different than simply not shopping for curtains? This retailer is the final place in my space that makes curtains.
GENTLE READER: Elaine needs the fee related together with your buy — but when you end up in a scenario the place the shop has to clarify this to you, she may have did not safe it. You aren’t going to purchase from somebody who can not fill your order.
You have to discover somebody with better authority to whom you possibly can clarify that you just labored with Hank beforehand, that Hank understood your wants, and that if you’re going to buy curtains, you’ll need Hank’s help.
Miss Manners is assured that mentioned particular person will perceive your which means — which is that with out Hank’s help, there will likely be no fee, because the retailer won’t be seeing your cash.
