DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ought to I be “presentable” when sitting out on the again deck of our townhouse?
It’s only seen from two of our neighbors’ backyards. Certainly one of these yards is rarely frequented; the opposite often has somebody seen.
I like to sit down on the deck in my housecoat and sandals. Ought to I be extra absolutely dressed?
GENTLE READER: A housecoat and sandals sound fairly tame in comparison with the states of undress so usually flaunted in full neighborly view. So long as you might be fairly coated, Miss Manners cares much less about what is definitely overlaying you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a widowed lady with sufficient cash to reside on comfortably. Most of my pals are in the same place, financially.
I’ve many pals, together with many {couples}, with whom I incessantly socialize. Typically meaning dinner collectively at a pleasant restaurant.
Within the seven years since my husband handed, I’ve discovered that the husband in no matter couple I’m eating with usually affords to pay for my dinner. I attempt to politely decline, however a lot of the time he insists.
I respect the kindness, however I resent the implication {that a} lady alone can’t afford to pay for her personal meals. Much more necessary, although, is the concept if he pays for me, it turns into an costly outing for his spouse and him, and they are going to be reluctant to attend future dinners in the event that they really feel obligated to pay.
As well as, if I’m with somebody who I feel will attempt to pay, it limits what I can comfortably order, in order to attenuate the expense. It’s nearly like ordering rigorously on a primary date, besides with out the anticipated future advantages.
I’d fairly have their firm than a free meal. How do I politely assist them perceive that?
GENTLE READER: And by anticipated future advantages, Miss Manners goes to presume you imply subsequent dates. Not the factor all of us actually suppose you imply.
The well mannered approach to assist your mates perceive the inconvenience and embarrassment they’re inflicting upon you by providing to purchase your dinner can be to reciprocate. Invite them out your self or insist on taking turns.
The best way to phrase it’s, “You have been so generous taking me out in the past. This time it is my turn.”
Not “I’m perfectly capable of paying for myself. When you do it, I can’t have lobster!”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are some well mannered, humble options to “I may be wrong, but …”?
I discover myself more and more defaulting to this phrase when, so far as I can inform, I’m not improper. Normally the context is that one thing regarded off to me, so I went and double-checked and located that, sure, it was off, and the problem then wanted a follow-up.
What are some good options I can use that don’t level the finger at me, particularly for a piece context?
GENTLE READER: “I believe …,” “I could double-check, but …,” or “Unless I’m missing something …”
Whereas pointing a finger at others might be tempting, turning it towards oneself is extra gracious. Notably, Miss Manners would possibly add, within the maybe unlikely occasion that you’re really improper.
