DEAR HARRIETTE: My shut pal just lately requested me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding ceremony, and whereas I used to be honored at first, I’m now combating blended emotions.
I care deeply about her and need to help her happiness, however I don’t agree with a lot of her fiance’s values or the best way he treats sure conditions.
There have been moments once I’ve witnessed him make feedback or choices that actually don’t sit nicely with me, and it makes me fear about their long-term future collectively.
I really feel conflicted as a result of standing by her aspect as a bridesmaid appears like I’m endorsing the connection, and I don’t know if I can try this wholeheartedly. Then again, saying no appears like it could harm her deeply and possibly even jeopardize our friendship.
I don’t need to come throughout as judgmental or overstepping, however I additionally don’t need to ignore my instincts. Ought to I be trustworthy together with her about my hesitations and threat damaging our bond, or ought to I settle for the position, preserve my considerations to myself and help her day irrespective of how I really feel concerning the marriage itself?
— Standing for My Good friend
DEAR STANDING FOR MY FRIEND: A courageous factor you are able to do is ask your pal to get collectively and have a candid dialog.
Inform her you’re keen on her and need to help her in any method you can. Add that you’re a bit nervous about her. Give her particular examples of your observations. Ask her if she has any apprehensions of her personal.
Inform her you need to have her again and also you simply need to be certain that she goes into this union together with her eyes extensive open. You possibly can level out issues you recognize about her that battle with issues you may have noticed in him as one thing for her to think about.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This yr has been extraordinarily busy for me and my core pal group. Regardless of how a lot we strive, it looks like each time we attempt to choose a time we will all be accessible to catch up and do one thing collectively, we fail.
I acknowledge that being busy shouldn’t be at all times one thing folks can change, however nonetheless, isn’t it vital to find time for those you’re keen on?
One pal particularly usually places us off for months at a time or just doesn’t reply. If we occur to make plans with out her, she doesn’t take it nicely.
The opposite day, we had been all lastly out to dinner, and I casually talked about that typically it takes months to plan together with her, and he or she received actually defensive and accused me of “talking crap.”
Did I overstep? Or is she being delicate?
— Busy Schedules
DEAR BUSY SCHEDULES: Rubbing it in was not the nicest factor so that you can do. You all know the way tough it’s to get collectively.
As an alternative of turning the knife as you probably did, think about another choice for the long run. Why not comply with set a date to get collectively each quarter? Those that can be part of ought to come; those that can not might be missed. That method, you see each other with out guilting anybody who can’t make it.
