DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve a good friend whose husband goes by way of a tough time. He has all the time been a curmudgeon, but it surely’s getting worse as of late. He has some well being points which have exacerbated his detrimental habits.
I cringe generally after I hear him speaking to his spouse, however she appears to take it in stride. She instructed me that it’s a part of her marriage vows to take care of him nevertheless he’s — for higher or worse.
I get that, but it surely’s onerous to see somebody being abusive to his partner. He doesn’t hit her, however he says disparaging issues on a regular basis.
Do you suppose that individuals ought to keep married when they’re struggling emotional abuse? Ought to I say something to her about this?
— Uncomfortable Observer
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: You can’t dwell your good friend’s life for her, nor are you able to stroll in her footwear. You will be supportive by being an excellent listener.
If she asks your opinion about one thing that she has skilled, inform her the reality. Don’t sugarcoat it.
If it will get to the purpose the place you’re feeling uncomfortable being across the two of them, you’ll be able to inform her that as effectively. Don’t abandon her, however restrict your interplay with him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be skinny for many of my life — uncomfortably so. Then I had my son, and I gained loads of weight.
It has been greater than 20 years, and I’ve but to get again to a slim dimension. To be sincere, I’m chubby.
I really feel like I hated how I regarded after I was youthful as a result of I used to be too small, and now I’m shy about how I look as a result of I’m too large. Sure, I see that I’ve some body-image points, however I have to do one thing about my physique right now as I’m too large and I’ve been identified with some well being points which have come from carrying extra weight.
How can I get a wholesome mindset about my physique and take the steps to lose the load?
— Weighty
DEAR WEIGHTY: Fairly than specializing in how you’re feeling about the way you look, first work along with your physician and presumably a dietitian to create a plan to get your physique wholesome. This can contain altering your food regimen and transferring your physique.
If you’ll be able to decide to a routine that may make it easier to to shed some pounds, it’s doubtless that you’ll begin feeling higher bodily and psychologically.
Don’t cease there. Discover a therapist who can work with you in your vanity points and make it easier to get to the guts of your considerations.
One factor I’ve realized is that our our bodies change over time. I’ve adopted the strategy of constructing the trouble to thank my physique for all that it does for me and, in flip, making acutely aware decisions to take higher care of it. Little by little, this has helped me to be kinder to myself and extra accepting of me as I’m.
