DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, “Emma,” has a gaggle of six to eight buddies she has performed with in school, in Scouts, at events, and so forth., for greater than three years.
Eight months in the past, one of many women, “Charlotte,” had a sleepover, and Emma was not invited. She was very damage and cried. I informed her she wouldn’t at all times be invited to the whole lot and perhaps there was a restrict Charlotte may invite.
Since then, at any time when there may be an occasion that she is aware of Charlotte might be at, Emma refuses to go. For eight months she has purposely skipped some events and Scouting occasions.
In any other case, all of them appear to nonetheless hold collectively in school. How can I assist my daughter perceive she is just hurting herself?
— EMPATHETIC MOM IN OHIO
DEAR MOM: It’s time your daughter was taught that she doesn’t need to “like” everybody she socializes with — nevertheless, she could have to get together with them. If she will be able to take in that lesson, it should profit her as she goes via faculty and past.
Inform Emma you hate seeing her punish herself, pondering it should damage Charlotte, when Charlotte could not discover her absence in any respect. Though Emma is simply 11, the time has come for her to do some rising up.
DEAR ABBY: My shut good friend “Annie” got here to my father’s funeral. She had met him solely a few instances.
Whereas I spotted she was doing it to be there for me, I felt chargeable for her since she knew nobody there. I had her sit with me, however I used to be making an attempt to take care of family and friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time.
I ended up unable to speak with everybody because the funeral was very emotional. I appreciated her coming, however I needed she hadn’t been there.
I want to keep away from funerals as a result of I change into emotional. Except it’s rapid household, I want to recollect the deceased the way in which they have been and hold these pictures as my final recollections.
My dilemma: Annie’s mother is having well being points, and the time will come when she passes. I’ve met her a couple of instances, however we aren’t shut. I really feel I ought to go to the funeral to be there for Annie as she was for me, however I would favor to recollect her mother as she was.
So, do I’m going for her sake and find yourself an emotional wreck, or get collectively along with her a couple of days later, simply the 2 of us, which is what I want she had carried out for me?
— SAD EITHER WAY IN THE EAST
DEAR SAD: Please settle for my sympathy for the lack of your father. I can solely think about how emotional you and your loved ones will need to have been at that funeral.
Annie meant to be supportive, and I don’t assume it might be useful to level out that her presence distracted you from speaking with the numerous relations who had gathered.
I do assume you have to ask Annie these questions. (“Do you need me to be present for emotional support at your mother’s services, or would you prefer we get together — just the two of us — a few days later?”) They’re vital. Take your cues from her response, however be ready for the truth that when it really occurs, her emotions could also be completely different.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
