DEAR ABBY: I’ve many causes to not belief my husband. We now have been collectively happening six years, married for 3½ of them.
I just lately discovered he texted his ex-live-in-girlfriend to want her glad birthday. Once I requested him why, he mentioned he all the time has achieved this.
I don’t perceive the necessity. They don’t keep up a correspondence in any other case so far as I do know. He by no means deletes previous messages, so there’s often a path and there actually isn’t one along with her.
He acquired mad at me (as normal) and couldn’t perceive my perspective. I additionally know he has consulted a lawyer in the previous few months to inquire about how our issues could be divided in a case of divorce.
Ought to I be involved? Isn’t it disrespectful for him to textual content his ex?
— CONFLICTED IN MAINE
DEAR CONFLICTED: You’ve centered on the flawed downside. Reasonably than combat together with your husband as a result of he despatched a former girlfriend birthday needs, you have to be hyper-concerned about why he has been consulting a divorce lawyer (!!).
I don’t know the way emotionally distanced the 2 of you’ve grow to be, however from the place I sit, it’s time to enlist assistance from a wedding and household counselor.
DEAR ABBY: We just lately suffered the lack of our first grandchild. She was solely 24 and brought far too quickly.
My associate and I are working by means of our grief, which is difficult as we’re in several levels. He additionally struggles with a number of psychological well being points. They make issues much more troublesome, as I want to assist him by means of some outbursts whereas I’m feeling crushed by this tragedy. Counseling will possible occur within the close to future.
My problem proper now could be that my daughter and I’ve chosen to get memorial jewellery. In my case, will probably be a small raindrop pendant that can maintain a few of my granddaughter’s ashes.
I advised my associate I used to be doing this, as surprises don’t go over effectively with him and it’s finest to offer him lots of warning. He now has issues that if I put on the necklace, it is going to regularly remind him of the loss.
I wish to maintain my granddaughter as near my coronary heart as I can. I’m undecided I can compromise on this, in need of carrying it solely when he’s not round. However he’s retired, and I principally work at home, so he’s round on a regular basis.
I don’t wish to regularly upset him by reminding him, so I’m at a loss. Any recommendation could be drastically appreciated.
— REMEMBERING IN CANADA
DEAR REMEMBERING: Please settle for my sympathy for the premature lack of your granddaughter. Clearly, you’re coping with loads proper now. The truth that your associate suffers from psychological sickness solely provides to it.
That you simply wish to maintain some a part of your granddaughter near you is comprehensible. Nonetheless, if seeing you carrying the raindrop pendant would set him again, contemplate having it made however not carrying it till he’s additional alongside within the grieving course of. I hope he receives his much-needed counseling quickly.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
