DEAR ABBY: I’ve a bunch of fantastic ladies pals I’ve identified for many years. We get collectively month-to-month for dinner and drinks at a restaurant. The situation is mostly left as much as whoever has a birthday that month, and normally varies amongst three selections.
Sometimes, I bow out in the event that they select a restaurant that caters to a neighborhood creep. This man, “Bob,” has by no means been charged with an offense, however I used to be one in every of his victims 20 years in the past, weeks after my first husband’s loss of life.
Bob broke into my residence and stole objects from my husband’s workplace. I used to be there on the time, and he got here into my bed room whereas I used to be dressing. I screamed at him, and he responded that I hadn’t answered his knock on the door and he “wanted to make sure I was all right.”
I’ve no ties to Bob, however my pals do. All of them are conscious of his actions and status. So is the proprietor of his nightly hangout, however Bob is a jolly bar man and buys drinks, so everybody (besides me) is OK with it.
I get PTSD on the considered attending one in every of our dinners when this explicit institution is chosen, so I normally skip these nights.
A number of of the ladies in my pal group have informed me I want to simply “get over it,” however I can’t. Any recommendation on how one can deal with this?
— VICTIM IN WISCONSIN
DEAR VICTIM: I’m sorry for what occurred that day. Though Bob didn’t contact you, the phobia was actual.
I do have a few strategies concerning how one can deal with this. The primary is to proceed refusing to attend birthday celebrations which may expose you to the person who broke into your private home. (Did you file a police report?) Additionally, suppose twice about how “wonderful” a girl pal is who would select that restaurant for her celebration.
In case your PTSD continues, take into account consulting a licensed psychological well being skilled who makes a speciality of it.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been engaged 3 times, and every time one thing occurred and induced the engagements to be damaged.
I’m 38 now. I’m undecided if marriage is ever going to occur, nevertheless it’s one thing I’ve regarded ahead to and is a dream of mine. Nevertheless, the extra I give it some thought and the way issues are today, I can’t assist however surprise if it’ll ever occur for me.
What do you suppose I ought to do — preserve hoping, or put marriage on the again burner?
— HOPING AGAINST HOPE IN INDIANA
DEAR HOPING: Sit down and ask your self what went unsuitable with every of your engagements so it gained’t be repeated.
Then start plotting out a unique life for your self, an attention-grabbing one full of actions, adventures and the pursuit of topics that curiosity you. This may grow to be your gratifying actuality. When you do, it’ll expose you to individuals you may not in any other case meet.
After all you possibly can preserve “hoping” for marriage, however your possibilities of discovering what you’re searching for might be higher for those who grow to be extra energetic than for those who preoccupy your self with this “dream.”
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
