DEAR MISS MANNERS: I found what regarded like a batch of pruned vines in my yard. There’s some ivy that grows on the partitions shared by a number of of us in proximity, and it seems the neighbors behind us lower the items that have been hanging of their yard and tossed them over into ours.
Whereas I’m all the time keen to assist our neighbors, I assumed it impolite of them to toss the mess into our yard. What’s incorrect with folks that they really feel they can not strategy their neighbors to ask if we may lower the vegetation — or for any favor, for that matter?
By the best way, this neighbor additionally drilled a foot-high eyebolt (to assist patio lights) into the shared block wall with out mentioning it or in any other case contemplating us. Sadly, this plan of action is simply one other instance how neighborly etiquette has gone out the window.
GENTLE READER: You point out the eyebolt in passing, however it’s on the root of the issue. Too many householders, if requested why they didn’t strategy a neighbor a few deliberate enchancment, exaggerate cheap quantities of selfishness and concern into worst-case eventualities.
“It’s really not up to them what color curtains I have” turns into “I have an absolute right to do what I want with my house,” whereas “I’d rather not be yelled at by someone I barely know” turns into “What if they have a gun?”
However the hyperlink between not speaking to the neighbors and the breakdown in civility is trigger and impact. Why be thoughtful of somebody you barely know?
Miss Manners’ resolution can be to seek out an excuse to do one or two issues that require minimal effort, however are neighborly, equivalent to turning over mail meant for them, however misdelivered to you, in individual — relatively than throwing it on the window as you permit the driveway.
Nowadays, such issues are so sudden they need to make your neighbor suppose twice subsequent time they’re pruning the vines.
I say that, in precept, they show poor manners. They’re akin to saying one thing to someone after which placing your arms over your ears and repeating “I can’t hear you” (like kids do).
Miss Manners notes this as a result of she finds that new know-how requires new etiquette a lot much less continuously than technophiles think about. The pre-internet equal is the signal on the corporate warehouse that reads, “This is the company’s central shipping facility. If you are looking for retail sales or customer service, please call this number.”
If there are limitations on the sender’s means to reply, it isn’t impolite to say so, as long as they supply various means. However you must definitely object in case your spouse proposes to hold such an indication on the entrance door.
