DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a well mannered method to cope with these kin who consistently tease you, make enjoyable of you and remind you of the silly, imply stuff you did once you have been younger?
Naturally sufficient, I keep away from these kin each time potential. However there are inevitably two or three events yearly when I’m of their presence.
I’ve tried to giggle good-naturedly at these “jokes,” however because the years go by, their barbs appear much less and fewer humorous and extra mean-spirited. I did as soon as confront one in every of them privately, simply to be informed I used to be “too sensitive.”
Though you might say I like these individuals, I don’t actually like them anymore, and already I’m dreading the subsequent household operate.
Since I’ve been coping with this for many years now, I suppose I can proceed to giggle and faux it doesn’t trouble me, however I’m questioning if there’s a well mannered, Miss Manners-approved method to reply.
GENTLE READER: Didn’t being delicate was a advantage, not a fault? And insensitivity, equivalent to haranguing others with the identical tiresome criticisms, a fault?
No surprise you don’t like these individuals whom you’re keen on.
Miss Manners begs you to cease laughing. Positive, they ought to have the ability to see that your laughter is strained, however they’re insensitive, keep in mind?
As a substitute of laughing, say, “Please give all that a rest. I don’t find it amusing.” This can, after all, convey on that cost of your being “too sensitive,” to which Miss Manners suggests that you just reply, “Yes, I am sensitive. So please stop.”
And maybe, if there are repeats, “You know you’re stepping on my sensitivity, right?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter remains to be good associates together with her ex-boyfriend. We by no means met the ex’s dad and mom. For Christmas, they gifted us with a number of costly candies and candies.
We don’t need a relationship with them, and receiving the items was awkward. I wrote them a brief and candy thank-you observe.
Is that this sufficient? I don’t need to be impolite, but when I give them one thing in return, that may open the door to a relationship that we’re not in search of.
GENTLE READER: Are you fairly certain that no person else concerned is hoping for a relationship? Not simply the dad and mom — which appears probably, from their method — however their son? And even perhaps your daughter?
Miss Manners will not be suggesting that you want to enter right into a mutual trade of presents. Thanking them is, certainly, sufficient. Nevertheless, you would possibly inject a tiny bit of heat into that observe, simply in case.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m at present out there for a night tailcoat. Of the a number of I’ve discovered, some have a notched lapel, whereas others have a peaked lapel.
Which is extra correct for a white-tie operate? Which is traditionally appropriate — or are they each acceptable?
GENTLE READER: Peaked lapels.
Miss Manners congratulates you on having been invited to a splendid New Yr’s Eve get together — or maybe in your new job because the conductor of a symphony orchestra. Or as a headwaiter.
