DEAR MISS MANNERS: My housemate is male, 73 and retired. He rises within the morning and spends his day in a ratty terrycloth bathrobe. He’s bare beneath, and the gown is barely closed.
I refuse to sit down down at a desk or have interaction with him trying like this. He says I’m bizarre and foolish. I feel he’s a pig.
We’ve by no means been something however informal associates, and whereas he has a crush on me, the sensation has by no means been mutual. Is it simply me, or do others suppose this apparel is disrespectful and disgusting?
GENTLE READER: Disgusting is within the eye of the beholder, and as you’re the sole beholder, you don’t want an aesthetic judgment from Miss Manners — disagreeable as she discovered the outline.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one diplomatically, but adamantly, state that visitors mustn’t convey a dish to complement your vacation occasion?
I’m steadily requested, “What can I bring?” I all the time reply, “Your good cheer and appetite, please!” Inevitably, associates will present up with their award-winning dish and promptly put it on the serving line.
Sadly, there may be the potential that their contribution is tainted — and being the host, the unlucky outcomes are on me. The well-being of my visitors is crucial.
GENTLE READER: The concept that personal dinner events are all the time accomplished cooperatively has now grow to be so firmly ingrained within the American thoughts that it has taken on a whether-the-hosts-like-it-or-not urgency.
And this goes double on holidays, when cooperative meals are so frequent that nobody believes in an exception. That there are hosts preferring to supply all of the refreshments — or are infuriated to have others messing of their kitchens — is dismissed as insincere politeness.
To justify stopping this, you needn’t resort to invoking that dreadful state of affairs by which visitors convey deadly treats and you’re left accountable for homicide. It’s fairly sufficient that it’s your home, and you don’t want to share the hostly obligation of offering the dinner.
However as your gentle little response is ignored, Miss Manners must give you one thing clearer: “Thank you, but I am doing the entire dinner, and I can’t serve anything else.” Or: “Please don’t. I appreciate the offer, but it would only go to waste.”
Another choice: “I’m sorry, but the chef absolutely forbids any contributions to the meal.” This final one is the strongest as a result of cooks appear to carry the final positions which might be nonetheless in a position to command authority.
By no means thoughts that, on this case, you occur to be the chef.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got here throughout this assertion on a social media web page: “I hate being called ‘ma’am.’ Some people think it is respectful, but it is not; it is ignorance speaking. I know they don’t know any better, but I have little tolerance for it.”
I really did suppose that utilizing “ma’am” was a present of respect. Have I been fallacious all these years? Why is it rude?
GENTLE READER: It’s respectful. However some individuals need to forgo respect within the useless hope of being taken for youthful.
Miss Manners has observed that nothing says Crabby Outdated Age so clearly as indignation at being handled respectfully.
