DEAR MISS MANNERS: There’s a lady I’ve recognized for greater than 40 years. We had been shut when our youngsters had been younger, however now we have not been in common contact for a few years. I nonetheless care so much about her, and imagine the sensation is reciprocated.
She’s develop into extra remoted by well being challenges over the past couple of years, and my invites to fulfill for lunch have been rebuffed. I haven’t taken it personally.
She’s going through surgical procedure in a couple of days, and I had the epiphany that an old style telephone name could be welcomed. We talked for greater than an hour, about a variety of subjects, and my sense was that we had been each having time. As we had been winding down, she acquired severe and mentioned some type issues about me. I used to be touched and advised her how appreciative I used to be.
Within the second, I felt that if I mentioned the equal of “I like you, too,” it could appear to be I used to be solely saying it as a result of she had mentioned it first.
Am I flawed to not have responded with one thing comparable? Her comment was totally different in tone than the remainder of the dialog, and appeared to come back out of the blue.
I do worth her and our friendship through the years. It simply would have felt reactive to say so in that second. If I did err, how ought to I deal with my failure to reply in type?
GENTLE READER: Your pal’s phrases touched you as a result of they had been real and spontaneous. Little question she was additionally feeling sentimental within the face of her upcoming surgical procedure. Had you instantly responded in type, it’d, as you say, have felt disingenuous.
However whether it is bothering you, Miss Manners suggests you get actually, actually old style and write her a letter expressing a couple of considerate issues about her and the friendship. Not solely will this be genuine and touching, it’ll additionally give her one thing to learn whereas she recovers.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been invited to an informal yard occasion for a low-country boil. I’d wish to attend and spend time with my associates, however my shellfish allergy means I can’t partake of the meals.
Is it rude for me to deliver my very own snack? Ought to I supply to deliver a facet dish to share? Or ought to I simply eat earlier than the occasion?
My husband thinks I ought to ship my regrets to keep away from the awkwardness of not consuming the meals on supply.
GENTLE READER: Eat beforehand. Alerting the hosts upfront will solely make them go right into a panic, attempting to make sure there’s something so that you can eat (though there are more likely to be non-shellfish sides as properly). It could additionally make them a bit resentful since their menu plans had been already within the title of their occasion.
If anybody asks why you aren’t consuming, Miss Manners suggests you say, “I knew what I was getting into, but I’m afraid I’m allergic to shellfish. I just wanted to spend time with everyone — enjoying the low-country part of the party, if not the boil.”
