DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to understand how I ought to have responded to a cashier who overstepped.
Some background: I had my second youngster about 15 months in the past. My husband and I are usually not trying to have a 3rd. I’m nonetheless breastfeeding, which makes my cycle reasonably unpredictable; I used to be involved just lately after I appeared to be a few week late.
I ended to select up a being pregnant take a look at. On the checkout, the cashier congratulated me.
I used to be trustworthy, telling her that I hoped it was detrimental as I didn’t wish to have a 3rd C-section at age 42. She then stated that I ought to get pleasure from any life I create and that any child is a blessing. I simply nodded, paid and left.
Whereas I might have been comfortable if the take a look at had been optimistic, I might even have been just a little flustered and pressured. We’d have needed to transfer to an even bigger home, for one factor. However none of that was the cashier’s enterprise.
I felt like she was being actually intrusive. What’s the correct response on this state of affairs, ought to it come up once more?
GENTLE READER: What was that cashier considering? “Congratulations” for what? Anybody shopping for a being pregnant take a look at doesn’t know if she is pregnant.
Miss Manners is conscious that some contemplate personhood to start at conception. This girl takes it a bit additional, conferring congratulations on the mere chance.
And yours will not be the one state of affairs through which this cashier’s “congratulations” can be inappropriate. It could be upsetting for somebody hoping for a optimistic outcome, however steeling herself towards disappointment, for example.
You didn’t want to reply to the “congratulations” as a result of it was impertinent. As her subsequent remarks proved, she was not considering of you, however reasonably pushing an agenda.
Your second response, merely leaving, was superb — and ought to be promoted to first place, ought to this occur once more.
[The same letter was answered recently in the Asking Eric column. Here’s what Eric said.]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are every attending highschool reunions this yr. We every had classmates whose mother and father we have been near on the time, and we’re questioning methods to phrase a query relating to these mother and father’ nonetheless being alive.
The way to ask about them? Or not?
GENTLE READER: You don’t say what years these reunions mark, however Miss Manners gathers that it’s lengthy sufficient so that you can presume that the mother and father could not be with us.
However as you understand, any model of “Are they still alive?” is creepy. If they’re, apparently they’ve overstayed their welcome, and if they aren’t, apparently they’ve allow you to down.
Reasonably, Miss Manners suggests merely telling your classmates how a lot you favored their mother and father, offering examples of their kindness, if doable.
If a classmate says, “They’ll be so pleased to hear this,” they’re alive. If the response is “I’m so touched to hear this,” they aren’t.
