DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a live performance at our church, which has a superb endowed music program. The live performance was an organ and poetry recital, about 40 minutes in period.
About quarter-hour in, I grew to become conscious of a skritching sound that didn’t cease. I seemed within the pew behind me and a girl was sitting there submitting her nails with an emery board.
I attempted to get her consideration however she wouldn’t have a look at me. I reached again and tapped her knee, which startled her and made her offended. I requested her to please cease submitting her nails, which she did.
On the finish of the live performance, she requested my identify and knowledgeable me that if I ever touched her once more, she would name the police and press prices on me for assault. I stated, “Please do.” She had already ruined the occasion for me.
She made a commotion as she left, which was observed by others.
Ought to I’ve carried out one thing completely different?
GENTLE READER: Tapped her on the shoulder, not the knee.
No, wait. You shouldn’t be touching strangers in any respect, except you’re rescuing them from imminent hazard. In addition to, it might be tough to succeed in a shoulder within the pew behind you.
And it’s tough, Miss Manners admits, to succeed in a decided scofflaw. If no church authority was obtainable in the course of the incident, it’d nonetheless be value reporting within the hope that efforts can be made to revive correct conduct.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a gentleman who strives to dwell a mannerly life. In that regard, when using public transportation, I supply my seat to women who’re standing. I additionally wait for girls to depart an elevator earlier than me.
Now that I’m effectively past retirement age, does that change any expectations and norms? When, if ever, do I preserve my seat and permit youthful males the privilege of providing their seat to the fairer intercourse?
GENTLE READER: First, please get off these elevators if you end up in entrance, as an alternative of making confusion by making an attempt to face again in favor of any women who’re behind you. “Ladies first” by no means utilized there.
On your behavior of yielding seats, Miss Manners commends you, and hopes that girls at all times deal with the gesture graciously, whether or not or not they settle for.
However it’s not solely your age that has modified; our system of priority is in flux.
Gender is changing into much less of an element, as it will probably do harm within the office, the place deferring to colleagues as women undermines their skilled identities. There, priority ought to be decided by the job’s hierarchy.
And in society at giant, age is changing into extra of an element. Ought to a younger woman give you a seat, Miss Manners hopes additionally, you will reply graciously.
This isn’t to say that the gentlemanliness you follow ought to be deserted — a lot much less condemned, as is completed by some. Custom has its place, and these gestures add grace to society.
So the brief reply is: Maintain providing seats to women in the event you don’t thoughts standing; in the event you do thoughts, then keep seated.
