DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple of 12 months in the past, I met the person of my goals, and he and I are planning a future collectively.
I’ve a beautiful group of mates — we’re all in our 60s and 70s, and get collectively usually for enjoyable actions — and I really feel so lucky that he and my mates adore one another. Now we have loved many enjoyable instances with the group.
We joined three different {couples} for a potluck dinner and sport night time, which included a trivia sport with classes organized by generations. My companion is a couple of decade youthful than I’m — a reality that the majority had been already conscious of, however apparently one gentleman was not.
As this got here to mild in the middle of the sport, he made a reference to me as a “cougar.”
To be trustworthy, it took me some time to reconcile the age distinction in my relationship, and I’m a tad delicate about it, so the comment didn’t land effectively for me. I managed a weak smile that hopefully didn’t present my irritation, however I’d want to by no means hear this time period lobbed in my route once more.
This gentleman tends to repeat himself when he feels he’s found a witticism, so it’s seemingly it would occur.
He typically means effectively, so I don’t want to embarrass him, however is there a strategy to graciously shut this down if I hear it once more?
GENTLE READER: Whereas it’s type of you to not wish to embarrass him, he’s not exhibiting you an identical respect.
Miss Manners subsequently suggests that you just flip that weak smile into one thing that does, in truth, betray your irritation, maybe with a murmured “Not funny.” Something much less appears solely to encourage him.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m questioning about the easiest way to reply odd questions, comparable to, “Do you know about Harlem?” or “Did you ever hear of The New Yorker magazine?” or “How much do you know about the arrondissements in Paris?”
I discover these questions condescending, however possibly I’m too delicate. Am I required to provide a solution, or could I simply snigger and ask the particular person to proceed the dialog?
The solutions to the above questions are: Sure, I do know in regards to the historical past of Harlem and even the Harlem Renaissance. Sure, I’ve heard of The New Yorker, and have had a subscription for quite a few years. I do know an excellent deal in regards to the Paris arrondissements; I studied French in highschool and I’m an avid reader of French novels.
GENTLE READER: “I do know something about those subjects. To what specifically are you referring?”
Not solely is that this extra well mannered, Miss Manners assures you, however if you’re really an knowledgeable in any given area, ready it out may even afford you a higher alternative to prime them later: “I actually wrote my thesis on Baron Haussmann. Of course, you know that he was instrumental in creating the arrondissements …” After which simply watch their faces.
