DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take pleasure in having associates and acquaintances from totally different walks of life, and have discovered surprising kinship with individuals who maintain beliefs very totally different from my very own.
In different phrases, I attempt to not be judgmental. My pure inclination when assembly somebody is to search out frequent floor.
Nevertheless, I just lately discovered myself in a scenario the place a mutual good friend launched me to somebody whose public statements and actions are so reprehensible to me that I had no need to search out no matter redeeming qualities the particular person could have. I used to be, in truth, ashamed on the reference to him that the introduction foisted upon me.
Is it ever permissible to refuse a connection because the introduction is going on? And the way would one do this?
GENTLE READER: Refusing an introduction shouldn’t be solely rude to the particular person being launched, however, extra importantly, to the good friend introducing you. All you must do is say, “How do you do?” after which transfer on.
Discover that Miss Manners doesn’t recommend saying any model of the frequent (however not etiquette-sanctioned) “It’s nice to meet you,” as a result of she is aware of it isn’t.
However even if you happen to slip and by chance say that — and you need to say one thing, out of respect to your good friend — merely assembly somebody doesn’t a social connection make.
Nonetheless, Miss Manners will perceive if you happen to transfer alongside rapidly sufficient to guarantee that no footage are taken as proof.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are the foundations for attending operatic live shows relaxed when the venue is a public place, corresponding to a park?
At the moment on the native opera’s annual live performance, I gritted my enamel and stated nothing to the sotto voce chatterers beside me. However when somebody began loudly singing alongside, I turned and stated, “Excuse me, but we want to hear him, not you.”
Was this a “draw” in relative rudeness?
Your books and columns have given me a lot pleasure.
GENTLE READER: However not a lot tact, Miss Manners notices.
Your sentiment was legitimate, however the phrases a bit harsh, making it certainly a draw. Subsequent time, maybe you possibly can politely inform your vocalist that you’re having bother listening to the singer you got here to see.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve simply gone again to work with a damaged wrist. How do I cease individuals, in a well mannered method, from attempting to seize at my arm?
I clearly have a forged on; nevertheless, a number of individuals assume it’s OK to attempt to seize my forged.
GENTLE READER: “Ouch.”
If that, or swiftly dodging out of the way in which, doesn’t work, Miss Manners suggests you attempt some protecting padding — an arm cozy, if you’ll.
It will likely be a bonus if it additionally protects you in opposition to those that didn’t get the urge to write down crude issues on casts out of their methods in highschool.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are white-painted fingernails and toenails out of line as a marriage visitor?
GENTLE READER: Sure, in case your plan is to upstage the bride along with your fingers and ft.
