DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve now been to 3 (!) weddings the place I discovered that the couple was already married and simply going by way of the motions.
The primary was a pair who had gotten legally married weeks previous to the marriage so he might go on her medical health insurance.
The second was an older couple who mentioned they’d by no means had a “real wedding.” That made me suppose they hadn’t actually been married all alongside, nevertheless it seems that they had been; they simply hadn’t had the sort of occasion they’d wished.
The final one, which despatched me over the brink, was our school mates. Since our bigger buddy group is now unfold out in several cities, this couple traveled round, repeating the marriage ceremony to “save people the expense of traveling.”
My mom asks me why I care if individuals need to make fools of themselves, and why I can’t simply “be nice” and have fun with my mates. The reply is as a result of I’m anticipated to associate with this farce and play the Wedding ceremony Visitor: dressing up, sitting by way of all of it, congratulating them, and — right here’s the primary half — spending severe cash to purchase them one thing from their registry listing.
In actual fact, I’m anticipated to do all the above many instances over, if I am going to their pre-wedding (however post-marriage!) events, which I attempt to keep away from.
Am I proper or improper?
GENTLE READER: You’re actually proper that individuals at the moment are utilizing the phrase “wedding” to confer with the get together related to the wedding ceremony, reasonably than — as outlined within the Oxford English Dictionary, and relationship from Outdated English — the act of getting married.
Thus the festivities you point out — little question together with the heroine’s white costume and the pastry chef’s white iced cake — are thought-about to be the weddings.
And you might be proper that in instances the place the get together is, so to talk, divorced from the authorized ceremony, the friends usually overlook that omission. When you learn in regards to the splashy so-called weddings of celebrities, you should have famous that the friends scrupulously confer with the already married couple as solely affianced till the reenactment has taken place.
Miss Manners can perceive your reluctance to play a supporting function on this rerun. The emotional element of witnessing the institution of a wedding is lacking.
You want solely politely decline to attend. However, it’s best to acknowledge that many individuals have transferred their idea of cementing a union from the ceremony to the celebration. Must you care about such individuals, you would possibly attend.
Maybe it should assist in the event you consider it as merely a delayed marriage ceremony reception or an anniversary get together, with out the pretense that you’re witnessing a wedding ceremony.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the applicable title to make use of on an envelope containing a letter to a widow? Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Ellen Doe, Ms. John Doe, Ms. Ellen Doe?
GENTLE READER: What this woman known as herself earlier than, Miss Manners can’t guess. Everybody has an opinion in regards to the appropriate handle for women, and everyone seems to be indignant when others’ selections are completely different.
However Miss Manners can relieve your nervousness about widows: They’re addressed precisely as they had been earlier than their husbands died. Nonetheless that was.
