DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a part of a gaggle of six school buddies from 50 years in the past. We keep in contact by texting usually, and getting collectively in individual each few years.
We’re unfold out geographically, however one pal and I are just some miles aside and have at all times seen one another extra usually.
I used to be to cease by this pal’s home to choose one thing up, and I texted her my anticipated arrival time. In response, I acquired what I’d describe as a cross-text — a mean-spirited and unflattering assertion about my husband and me. (Everybody within the group additionally is aware of my husband from faculty.) The pal criticized our life selections, trying down on us.
My husband and I have been each within the automobile once I learn it aloud. He was indignant, and I used to be harm, not having identified she felt this fashion. I used to be left questioning who the textual content was really for. The concept it was presumably for the remainder of this group of buddies broke my coronary heart.
I finished all contact along with her.
The group is now planning our subsequent in-person reunion, and I have no idea how you can reply, as I don’t really feel I could be round her comfortably. I don’t know if the group acquired the textual content as properly.
What’s the easiest way for me to deal with this? The group has been a particular a part of all of our lives over these years, however now I really feel betrayed.
GENTLE READER: Our units change a lot quicker than the human situation, which suggests etiquette can often adapt comparatively simply.
Your pal thought of, wrote and received caught writing one thing unkind about you. Although completely disagreeable for you, it’s not the primary time in human historical past such a factor has occurred; in actual fact, it’s why the apology was invented.
You don’t point out what occurred if you broke off contact. Senders are usually not at all times conscious they’ve despatched what you name cross-texts, an vital level.
Miss Manners would have had you textual content again on the time that you just didn’t imagine this textual content was meant for you. An apology ought to then have been forthcoming, after which you may have determined whether or not 50 years of friendship could possibly be salvaged.
If there stays the likelihood that your pal is unaware of what occurred, you may confide to one of many different group members, if you decline the subsequent outing, {that a} hurtful textual content was despatched — with out sharing particulars — within the hope that that may elicit the apology.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Both on account of my age or the phantasm that I’ve my life collectively, I’m steadily requested for recommendation relating to life selections, akin to if a pal can buy a automobile, a home or no matter.
The issue is that to reply the query intelligently, I must ask questions which are usually none of my enterprise, akin to, “What is your income? Your credit rating? Are you thinking about having children? How is your current job going?”
Is there a well mannered however direct manner of asking these with out showing unnecessarily nosy?
GENTLE READER: “Is this a casual question, or are you asking for a really in-depth analysis (which I’m perfectly willing to do)?”
