Miss Manners: I would like my former co-worker to chill it with the presents to my sick spouse

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse has a terminal sickness and has been present process therapy for a number of months.

A lot of her shut pals have been very beneficiant with meals, playing cards and flowers, for which we’re each grateful and appreciative.

Early on, a former colleague of mine (from 14 years in the past) discovered of my partner’s sickness and signed up through a meal service software to deliver meals in the course of the harder therapy weeks. She may also generally drop meals or gadgets at our entrance door, which we solely discover hours later.

Most presents are beautiful, however it’s attending to be an excessive amount of.

Final week, she dropped off three new hardback books — which my spouse can not maintain, resulting from her weakened situation. Earlier this week, she introduced meals that none of us might eat, as a result of restrictive components that she didn’t discover within the meal sign-up software.

Immediately she dropped off 15 magazines. Once more, that is very considerate and beneficiant, however now I’ve to spend extra time and effort to eliminate or donate these things.

Fortunately we had been capable of give away the meals that we couldn’t eat (after my partner had a single chew to allow her to write down a authentic thank-you word).

I’m hoping the presents will cease quickly, however is there a manner for my spouse to diplomatically say, “You’ve done enough; please stop!” in her subsequent thank-you word?

GENTLE READER: Not solely is it potential to place a cease to it, it’s vital, as the very last thing your former colleague would need is to make the state of affairs worse.

However Miss Manners wonders why you’d wait in your spouse to write down the letter of thanks. You possibly can relieve her of some etiquette duties as absolutely as you possibly can choose up the gadgets left on the door.

Name the gift-giver directly to clarify your gratitude — and your sensible limits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve twice invited a buddy to events after asking if the dates had been open for her, and she or he accepted every time. A few week earlier than every get together, she stated that she was going to do one thing else and wouldn’t be coming.

Am I being overly delicate to be a bit bothered by this?

My mother and father at all times instructed me that after you settle for an invite, you honor it. Backing out later (except there may be an emergency or sickness) gives the look that you just’ve discovered one thing higher to do.

GENTLE READER: Your mother and father and Miss Manners had been in settlement up till they veered off into euphemism.

Miss Manners would have concluded by saying that backing out gives the look you — or on this case, your buddy — don’t have any manners. In any case, there may be little doubt your buddy most popular the second possibility, since she took it.

To reply your query, you aren’t being overly delicate. A correct quantity of sensitivity would have precluded providing a second invitation after having been as soon as snubbed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely cease an individual who needs to inform me gossip?

GENTLE READER: Apply listening attentively in a manner that nonetheless provides the distinct impression that you just missed each phrase.