DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I’ve been attempting to conceive a toddler for a while.
Our first being pregnant ended at seven weeks in a miscarriage, which began throughout a go to to my mother-in-law’s residence. She had not identified we have been attempting, after which the cat was out of the bag.
She was very variety and sympathetic instantly after we returned from the hospital, however since then, she has been overtly unfavorable about us having a toddler. She is going to say issues like, “Oh, it is so much work!” or, “You will disturb your peace, and it will cost so much money.”
I used to be so surprised that she would say such issues that I used to be confused. I’ve restricted my time round her since then.
We’ve fortunately conceived once more and haven’t but advised anybody.
Throughout a latest brief go to, my mother-in-law didn’t make any extra unfavorable remarks about having kids. Nonetheless, we’ve got extra visits deliberate, and I hope for some respectful however agency responses for when she inevitably brings up her opinions.
We are going to finally inform her about our present being pregnant, after we’re certain all the things is all proper with the newborn.
GENTLE READER: And she or he might be overjoyed.
Thoughts you, Miss Manners will not be excusing your mother-in-law. She made hurtful remarks.
However that’s what many individuals do within the silly hope of offering consolation the place none is offered. They little notice the harm they do by saying that what devastates you is basically all for one of the best.
You’re smart to not inform her earlier than the being pregnant is clear. At the moment, she is going to reverse her opinions — so it’s best to neglect the sooner ones.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Possibly it’s as a result of I took Spanish in highschool as an alternative of French, however what’s with “RSVP”?
Individuals say “Please RSVP” but additionally “You haven’t sent an RSVP.” So is it a noun or a verb or each?
Even I do know that the “SVP” half means “please,” so “Please RSVP” is silly. And does it imply they need you to reply provided that you’re accepting, and even when you’re not?
And why French? I’m not pushing Spanish, though extra People converse it than French. However why not, oh, Danish? Or Thai? It will make simply as a lot sense.
Is there any cause for utilizing French moreover pure snobbery?
GENTLE READER: Conventional snobbery.
Time was when snobbish People believed that French customs have been extra elegant than American ones. Even on the White Home, the menus have been in French up by means of the Kennedy administration. Speak about ridiculous.
And, as you say, persons are confused (or declare to be, to cowl the rudeness of ignoring an invite) about whether or not it applies solely to accepting or additionally to declining. As in the event that they couldn’t perceive that hosts have to know who’s doing which.
Miss Manners is in complete settlement with you. It’s completely right, and so much clearer, to say “Please respond.” The formal model is, “The favor of a response is requested.”
Now when you can simply get them to do it.
