DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be hospitalized for 17 days as a consequence of problems from a cancer-related surgical procedure. Throughout that point, my sister drove 80 miles a day to see me. She was very type and affected person.
I’ve recovered, and I now stay in an assisted-living facility.
My sister has grow to be overbearing: lecturing me on what I eat, how I preserve my room, how I care for my diabetes, on and on.
I’ve advised her that it makes me really feel dangerous, however nothing has modified. Lastly, I advised her that my solely downside was her selecting on me.
I’ve to see her as a result of she brings my medicines; in any other case, I might go no-contact.
Any recommendation on the way to deal with this could be vastly appreciated.
GENTLE READER: You do know, don’t you, that your sister is consumed with fear about you and is frantic to assist?
Not that her nagging helps. Miss Manners understands how exasperating it’s. However to expel your sister out of your life could be a merciless response to her concern for you, and the helpful providers she renders you.
Asking frankly that she cease nagging hasn’t helped, both, though it might need should you had requested extra gently. We should strive a sneakier technique, however it will depend on your not reacting to provocation. Are you able to handle that?
She says, “You shouldn’t be eating that,” and also you say, “You’re so nice to come out in this weather.” She says, “This room is a mess,” and also you say, “Did you have trouble parking?”
Otherwise you simply shut your eyes, wait a beat or two, after which say, “Oops, I must have dozed off.”
After all, your sister could report back to the employees that you just appear to be wandering mentally. So that you would possibly take the precaution of mentioning to the employees, gently and amusedly, that your sister is afraid you aren’t paying ample consideration to her affectionate nagging.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Generally individuals enthusiastically inform me one thing they suppose I don’t know, significantly about my areas of experience.
Saying “I already knew that” sounds condescending. Pretending I didn’t know, and saying one thing like “That’s interesting,” appears passive-aggressive.
I’ve been accused of competing within the first case and mendacity by omission within the second.
Might you please suggest a well mannered and type solution to reply?
GENTLE READER: It is a case for the improv conference of “yes and.”
You hear politely and take it from there — elaborating on the topic, skipping the responses you have got tried prior to now.
Miss Manners won’t object in case your taking on the dialog reveals that you realize much more in regards to the topic than the one that started it — maybe much more than they’re able to understanding.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you suppose the phrase “I appreciate you” is a poor substitute for “Thank you”?
The phrase appears phony. I might somewhat be thanked than be advised that I’m appreciated! What are your ideas?
GENTLE READER: That it’s churlish to deprecate politeness. There may be little sufficient of it going round.
