DEAR MISS MANNERS: We went to breakfast this morning, 4 folks complete, and I knowledgeable the waitress beforehand that we’d like separate, particular person checks. One of many individuals piped up after I mentioned that, saying that he’d like one single invoice as an alternative.
I assumed he meant that he would care for the whole invoice for all 4 of us. I sincerely believed that was his intention.
When the invoice got here, everyone save one took out their wallets and supplied, out of politeness, to pay money towards the invoice.
It’s my understanding that, in such a scenario, the one who supplied to pay the whole invoice ought to politely decline, and as an alternative choose up the invoice in full. He didn’t. As a substitute, he accepted the money from others as supplied.
This was disruptive to at the very least one individual, who had anticipated paying their separate invoice through a card, and who didn’t subsequently deliver money.
I’m very confused. Miss Manners, how ought issues to go in such a scenario?
GENTLE READER: Nicely, not that method. Even when the hapless host now assures the cashless participant that he pays, that individual has already been embarrassed.
And now the 2 whose money he simply accepted can even really feel ill-used.
Miss Manners doesn’t perceive why individuals are so keen to discuss cash in any respect the fallacious instances, however are all of the sudden shy when it’s completely correct.
When asking for a single verify, the host ought to have mentioned, “Please let me get this.” You and the fourth visitor have been effective to protest when the invoice got here, however he ought to have turned you down.
And if the opposite visitor had then apologized for not having money, he might have used that as a gracious excuse to win the argument.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: About attempting to get a head depend for a celebration, wouldn’t it be impolite to say: “The party is on Feb. 15. Please let us know by the 7th if you will be coming. If we don’t hear from you by then, we will assume you will not be attending. If you cannot know your plans by the 7th, please let me know that, too, and maybe we can work something out.”
That ought to get the invitees to reply in a well timed vogue a technique or one other. To me, the above doesn’t appear an excessive amount of to count on of an invitee, and the party-giver has a greater likelihood of not ending up with too many or too few round her desk. The host/hostess has set it up in such a method that the response, or lack of it, tells him/her what is required for establishing for a celebration.
GENTLE READER: This seems like a theoretical train for you, so whereas Miss Manners agrees that it shouldn’t be an excessive amount of hassle for folks to reply to invites, she suggests you verify again when you have got experiential information.
Asking folks to reply by a given date is neither impolite nor new, however suggesting they might be thoughtless sufficient to not reply is each — and can also be inconsistent along with your in any other case charmingly optimistic appraisal of humanity.
