DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a detailed buddy who’s getting married, for the third time. In between her marriages, she has had prolonged relationships with different males.
I’m OK with all of that, aside from one factor: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it’s her first.
She is planning on carrying a standard white marriage ceremony gown, even if she has two grown youngsters from the opposite marriages. She has signed up for a bridal registry and is planning on having a lavish post-wedding celebration.
Am I an old-school traditionalist, or is the that means of the white marriage ceremony gown a factor of the previous?
GENTLE READER: Far prior to now. Huge white attire have been the uniform for all brides for many years now. Whether or not beforehand married, aged, pregnant or surrounded by their youngsters, all of them don the uniform.
And what? Miss Manners is just not sorry.
After the white gown vogue was began by Queen Victoria, the thought acquired round that it symbolized virginity. However the vulgarity of studying the gown as truthful or not in regards to the physique inside was astounding. Folks — even marriage ceremony friends, who presumably preferred the couple — speculated about whether or not a selected bride was “entitled” to put on white.
It was disgusting. So let’s not begin that up once more.
Simply between us, sure, Miss Manners finds all of the overblown, costumed pageantry considerably comical. However she doesn’t need to spoil the enjoyable of those that take pleasure in it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Through the years, our household has grown significantly. Our nieces and nephews have youngsters of their very own now, a lot of our associates now have grandchildren, and so on.
I used to ship presents to everybody, however now that I’m retired, I’ve determined to cease. I’m questioning if that is impolite.
I had some recipients who by no means stated “thank you,” however others who had been really touched by my thoughtfulness. The issue is that all of them speak to one another. I didn’t need to play favorites or damage anybody’s emotions, so I ended fully.
Most of those youngsters are overly spoiled and barely know us, anyway, since we dwell out of state. However I feel I’ve damage one relative, whom I like to items, by not sending presents anymore. I instructed her why, and he or she says she understands, however I really feel so responsible.
I do textual content everybody “happy birthday” and ship playing cards, simply not presents. What’s your opinion on gift-giving etiquette for seniors?
GENTLE READER: Astonishment that it took you this lengthy to understand that sending presents to individuals who by no means react to them is a thankless process (because it had been).
“Playing favorites” carries the implication of an arbitrary selection conferring an undeserved benefit. That might be hardly the case in the event you selected to present presents to family members who appreciated them, however to not those that ignored them.
In fact you may retire your self from the entire effort. Miss Manners would take into account the necessity to save cash and/or vitality good causes for doing so. However such as you, she regrets the cutoff for the one recipient who appreciated your efforts.
