DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve at all times been the individual to plan enjoyable occasions for my pals.
In retirement, my husband and I’ve moved to a golf group in a brand new state, and I’ve continued to prepare outings — from only a few pals out for lunch to massive vacation outings for women solely. (My husband just isn’t properly and doesn’t care to socialize, so I don’t plan {couples} occasions.)
Some ladies are at all times comfortable to attend, however by no means reciprocate. I’m considering of not inviting these ladies, and marvel what I ought to say in the event that they ask why they weren’t invited.
Years in the past, a pal remarked that I hadn’t referred to as her to do something that winter, and I replied, “The phone works both ways.” Apparently, that was too harsh. Any extra delicate replies?
GENTLE READER: For that years-ago remark: “I assumed since I hadn’t heard from you that you were busy this season.”
As to your present state of affairs, omitting these ladies from future outings appears cheap to Miss Manners.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve an extended prepare journey to work every day, and I at all times gravitate in the direction of the “quiet carriage.” However invariably, there are some passengers who consider the foundations haven’t any software to them.
They consider that they, for no blindingly apparent motive, sit above and outdoors the foundations. They keep it up loud, pointless conversations as if nobody can hear them. There are others who eat loudly, and nonetheless others who’ve but to be launched to the common-or-garden tissue or handkerchief.
And don’t even get me began on all these filthy coughers, who clearly discovered nothing from the pandemic.
What can I say to those totally shameless rule-breakers? I wish to implement the foundations and fundamental requirements.
And earlier than you recommend it: Sure, I’ve noise-canceling headphones. They assist, however don’t absolutely take away the limitless sniffing, hacking and speaking.
GENTLE READER: A well mannered, whispered, “Excuse me, but I believe this is the quiet car” or some extent to the signal — and even asking the ticket taker to assist, if one occurs to stroll by — are acceptable methods to deal with loud speaking.
However for individuals who sniff or cough, Miss Manners can solely recommend you supply them a tissue — and a few sympathy for the truth that they’re in all probability not doing this solely to bother you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve an previous and really pricey pal. We now have recognized one another for over 40 years, and though we stay 1000’s of miles aside, we get collectively a few instances a yr.
My pal is extraordinarily rich, whereas I’m middle-class. She has despatched me an enormous verify to assist me out with a few of my household’s difficulties. How do I respectfully return this?
GENTLE READER: “You are such a dear to offer to help out, but I cannot accept your money. I will, however, continue to depend upon you for emotional support, if I may. In fact, let us plan our next get-together. It would cheer me immensely.”
