DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors have a number of gatherings a 12 months, and they’re at all times potlucks.
If the invitation says, “Bring a dish to share and a bottle of wine,” then I’m completely happy to take action.
Nonetheless, I’m single, and I’ve observed that the {couples} and households additionally deliver just one dish and one bottle of wine.
Am I being petty to assume that is unfair?
GENTLE READER: Etiquette shouldn’t be within the enterprise of constructing every part precisely honest. Except issues are overtly unfair, it’s extra well mannered to not discover.
Because the level of the potluck is to share, it feels unseemly to rely actual parts. (Maybe the households don’t eat or drink a lot.)
Miss Manners due to this fact suggests you overlook this injustice and save your annoyance for the entire different methods single persons are deprived, inconvenienced and charged extra in our society.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Typically I’m served one thing I don’t need to eat, like meat with fats or gristle. I trim my portion and transfer the trash to the facet of my plate — inconspicuously, I hope.
As soon as, although, I used to be served peas that had coarse strings that hadn’t been eliminated. So I eliminated them earlier than consuming every one.
Is leaving a pile of particles offensive to the hosts or different diners? Does it suggest that the cook dinner was sloppy?
GENTLE READER: Maybe, however it’s preferable to choking slowly on pea strings.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be taught by my mom and grandmother, who practiced what they preached, that condolence letters are to be acknowledged.
Their observe was to reply each condolence letter with a return letter. It might be lengthy or quick, however on the very least it ought to specific gratitude for the sender’s thoughtfulness.
I’ve adopted their observe all through the many years, and I’ve discovered that writing acknowledgment letters has been very useful to me as I’ve coped with the grief of shedding essential buddies or members of the family.
Lately, nevertheless, I’ve not acquired any acknowledgment for condolence letters that I’ve despatched. I make it a degree to put in writing one thing considerate, together with a reminiscence of the deceased and a press release of my appreciation of her or him. I’d by no means ship a preprinted, store-bought condolence card.
Ought to I simply face the truth that most individuals merely don’t write acknowledgments anymore? I’d like to inform them that doing so may assist them of their grieving course of.
Additionally it is a considerate gesture to acknowledge considerate gestures, proper?
GENTLE READER: Sure, however Miss Manners doesn’t suggest you inform them that. Moreover it being an admonishment, it is not going to assist your trigger in the event that they disagree.
But when it makes you’re feeling higher, you might be appropriate. Condolence letters ought to be acknowledged, assuring those that care that their appreciation of the deceased and sympathy for the bereaved was significant.
Doing so can even provide consolation in recognizing the significance of the life that was misplaced.
Or not. However it’s nonetheless the right factor to do.
