DEAR HARRIETTE: My pal “Janice” is mad at me.
We had plans to go to a meals pageant, and he or she canceled on the final minute. I had already purchased each tickets, and since she mentioned she couldn’t make it, I didn’t need the tickets to go to waste. I requested one other pal if she needed to go, and he or she fortunately agreed.
About an hour earlier than the occasion, Janice known as to say that her plans had modified, and he or she might make it in spite of everything. After I informed her that I had already invited another person, she obtained actually upset and accused me of changing her too rapidly.
Now she’s giving me the chilly shoulder and says I ought to have waited to see if she might come in spite of everything.
I really feel like I did nothing mistaken, however Janice is damage. How do I deal with this case with out making issues worse or damaging our friendship?
I actually worth her as a pal, however I additionally suppose it’s unfair for her responsible me for her personal change of plans. I wasn’t attempting to exclude her or be thoughtless; I simply didn’t need to waste the ticket or go alone.
— Chilly Shoulder
DEAR COLD SHOULDER: Sit down with Janice and remind her that she contacted you and mentioned she couldn’t attend the pageant. It was solely after that that you simply reached out to another person to take the ticket.
Janice has no motive to be upset with you. The change of plans occurred straight due to her. She wants to just accept accountability for that. Don’t really feel any guilt over dealing with your online business after she bailed on you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker talks manner an excessive amount of to me throughout work.
I have to focus and get my work achieved, however she retains disrupting me with lengthy conversations about her weekend, her household or random workplace gossip.
I’ve tried to provide delicate hints that I’m busy, like placing my headphones on or protecting my responses brief, however she’ll nonetheless faucet me on the shoulder or wave to get my consideration.
It’s attending to the purpose the place I’m falling behind on tasks as a result of I maintain getting pulled into her chatter.
I don’t need to be impolite or create stress within the workplace, however I’m beginning to dread entering into as a result of I do know she’s going to speak my ear off. How can I set boundaries with out making issues awkward or hurting her emotions?
She’s a pleasant particular person, and I believe she genuinely simply desires to be pleasant, however it’s changing into overwhelming. Typically she even follows me to the break room or retains speaking whereas I’m typing. I’m nervous that if I don’t say one thing quickly, my frustration will present and make the scenario awkward.
I simply need to discover a well mannered method to let her know that I want extra quiet time throughout the day.
— Shut Up
DEAR SHUT UP: Throughout a break — ideally away from work — discuss to your pal. Inform her it’s important to set some boundaries as a result of you aren’t getting your work achieved on time.
Make it clear that you simply can’t discuss to her all day lengthy. Work should come first. Level out that when you will have your headphones on or wave her away, it isn’t private, however you want her to honor your dedication to your job.
Her emotions will doubtless be damage, however you need to make it clear earlier than your job is in jeopardy.
