DEAR HARRIETTE: After 28 years of marriage, my sister is contemplating divorcing her husband.
They’ve been struggling for a very long time, and he or she’s reached a degree the place she feels that ending the wedding may be one of the best factor for her well-being and happiness. Nevertheless, there’s an enormous a part of her that’s hesitating, and it’s as a result of this is able to be her second divorce.
We reside in a small city the place folks discuss, and he or she’s afraid of the gossip that might include one other divorce. She doesn’t wish to be judged or seen as somebody who “failed” at marriage once more, particularly when she already went by way of the ache of a divorce a few years in the past.
On high of that, she’s anxious about the way it will have an effect on her three kids, who’re of their late teenagers and early 20s. Although they’re older now, she feels horrible about creating such an enormous disruption of their lives.
She’s torn between doing what she feels is finest for her personal happiness and staying within the marriage to keep away from the scrutiny of others and to guard her children from additional emotional pressure.
Do you might have any recommendation on how she will work by way of these conflicting feelings and make one of the best choice for herself and her household?
— Is This the Finish?
DEAR IS THIS THE END?: Your sister has to reside her personal life unbiased of individuals’s opinions. She ought to consider why she desires to depart now and whether or not her emotions are legitimate.
Questions to contemplate embrace how she is going to afford to reside on her personal, the place she is going to reside, what assist system she has in place and what her plans are for the long run.
Generally chapters finish in our lives. If that is the top of this chapter, encourage her to deal with it with dignity.
She deserves to be completely satisfied and safe. The best way she behaves will present her kids how they’ll survive and thrive.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My finest good friend and I are skilled ballerinas, and we’ve been dancing collectively since highschool.
We’ve been by way of a lot collectively — the lengthy rehearsals, the infinite auditions, the joy of touchdown roles and the disappointments. Ballet has been an enormous a part of our lives, and we’ve at all times shared that zeal.
Not too long ago, my good friend dropped a bombshell: She desires to give up ballet. Ballet has been her life for so long as I can bear in mind, so when she informed me she’s desirous about leaving all of it behind, I used to be shocked.
Her cause is that she didn’t get the lead function in our most up-to-date present, which she has been working her complete profession to get. I understand how a lot she wished that half and that it was an enormous disappointment for her, nevertheless it breaks my coronary heart to suppose one setback would possibly trigger her to surrender one thing she’s been so devoted to for all these years.
I’m wondering if she’s simply reacting out of frustration and damage within the second. I’ve seen how a lot ballet means to her, and I can’t think about her life with out it.
How can I persuade her to not surrender her profession and hold dancing?
— Quitter
DEAR QUITTER: Be a very good listener proper now. Let your good friend expertise the emotional disaster she is in with out judgment.
She is smarting from this loss. In time, she might notice this doesn’t must be a defining second. If not, this might mark a turning level for her.
She should resolve. Don’t attempt to persuade her of something. Simply love her.
