DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I dated for about three years whereas we had been in school. Once we broke up, we maintained our friendship and shared many issues, like our good friend group.
Quick-forward to the current day — 5 years post-college — and we’re nonetheless in the identical good friend circle, but it surely has grow to be a problem.
I lately began relationship somebody who went to our school. Whereas she is aware of my ex, they don’t seem to be actually pals and have by no means been shut.
Regardless that I believed it was OK to this point this individual, I used to be not upfront with my ex, and she or he came upon whereas we had been all at a birthday celebration. She was shocked, to say the least, and left abruptly, claiming that my new girlfriend and I embarrassed her and may have given her a heads-up.
I really feel like I’m nonetheless trapped in a relationship that I haven’t been in for years! Do I actually owe my ex an evidence on who’s new in my love life? How do I set boundaries with out bruising the integrity of our friendship?
— New Flame
DEAR NEW FLAME: One thing within you instructed you that this is perhaps a clumsy state of affairs — that’s why you didn’t inform your ex about your new love curiosity within the first place. Because you determined to remain in communication along with your ex for all these years, it could have been variety to let her know that you’re relationship somebody she is aware of.
It’s best to apologize to her. Communicate to her privately and let her know that you just had no intention of upsetting or unsettling her. You notice it could have been considerate so that you can inform her about your new girlfriend, however you will need to you that you’ve got the liberty to be with whoever you need — accurately for her, as properly.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m experiencing a monetary tough patch. I’ve been working as a freelancer and doing a little odd jobs on the facet to safe earnings.
After I introduced that I needed to depart sooner than anticipated, my sister spent the remainder of the night complaining. Why was I leaving? Why did I even wish to work that job? Why was I ditching her?
It was irritating. It’s not my choice to overlook out on household moments, but it surely was what I wanted to do on the time. Having to hold the load of another person’s egocentric wants makes all the things tougher.
How can I handle my household’s expectations higher?
— Placing Me First
DEAR PUTTING ME FIRST: Ask your sister to again off. Remind her that you just love her and that the household and also you present up at any time when you may. When work calls — particularly throughout this time of economic uncertainty — you need to reply. You hope she will be able to perceive that.
