DEAR HARRIETTE: An in depth buddy of mine borrowed one among my favourite clothes to put on to a marriage a number of weeks in the past.
It wasn’t simply any gown: It was costly, it matches me completely and I’ve worn it solely a handful of instances. When she returned it, I observed there have been a number of stains on the material.
She didn’t point out them, apologize or provide to pay for cleansing. She simply handed it again as if nothing was incorrect.
At first, I believed perhaps she didn’t discover the stains, however they’re unattainable to overlook.
Now I’m feeling harm, not simply in regards to the gown, however in regards to the lack of respect and acknowledgment. I’m debating whether or not I ought to carry it up and threat creating stress, or simply let it go to keep away from battle.
A part of me thinks it’s in regards to the precept, not the cash, however one other half worries I’ll appear petty if I make it a problem.
What’s one of the best ways to deal with this with out damaging the friendship — or my checking account?
— Soiled Gown
DEAR DIRTY DRESS: Converse up. Inform your buddy you have been shocked and upset that she returned your gown dirty — with out even mentioning the stains — after she borrowed it.
Don’t fret in regards to the stress; it’s already there since you really feel it, so you could deal with it. Inform her you should have it dry cleaned and let her know the associated fee.
If she tries to shrug it off, you may say that is precisely why you don’t wish to lend your clothes. You don’t need friction between the 2 of you, however you do count on your issues to be handled with respect.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son lately misplaced his job and requested if he, his spouse and their two younger youngsters might transfer in with me for a number of months whereas they get again on their toes.
I like my son and my grandkids dearly and I wish to assist them, however the thought of getting 4 additional folks in my home, particularly two energetic youngsters, feels overwhelming.
I’ve been residing alone for years and worth my peace, privateness and quiet routines. I labored laborious to get to some extent the place my house appears like my sanctuary, and I’m afraid I’ll lose that if I say sure.
Then again, if I say no, I fear it is going to trigger stress and harm emotions, or make me appear egocentric and uncaring.
I’m torn between wanting to guard my very own house and desirous to be a supportive mom and grandmother. How can I’ve this dialog in a method that units boundaries however nonetheless exhibits love and compassion as I do wish to assist them out throughout this tough time?
— Shifting Again Dwelling
DEAR MOVING BACK HOME: Go along with your intestine. In the event you don’t suppose you may deal with the stress and bustle of 4 folks in your home for what is going to seemingly be various months, say no. As a substitute, if in case you have any cash you can provide them to assist pay for hire someplace for a number of months, provide that.
In the event that they get to the purpose of potential homelessness, rethink your place. Even then, create boundaries so that you just don’t lose your peace fully.
