DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a lady of a sure age — past 50 — and I met a person just lately who invited me on a date.
We had a good time, and we each determined we want to see one another once more.
I used to be telling certainly one of my girlfriends about him, and it seems they used thus far. She had solely good issues to say about him, however it felt bizarre.
I like my non-public life to remain non-public. I don’t know if I like {that a} potential new love curiosity of mine was as soon as my pal’s love curiosity. What if he and I determine to pursue a relationship? Then we’d all be hanging out collectively? I’m undecided how I might deal with that.
Do you assume I ought to say one thing to him in regards to the state of affairs earlier than it has an opportunity to get severe?
— Previous Connections
DEAR PAST CONNECTIONS: The possibilities that you may meet somebody who has dated a pal of yours will increase as your life blossoms. That shouldn’t appear bizarre. It’s most likely extra pure than something.
Don’t stroll away from him due to that. As a substitute, inform him that this lady is your pal. Ask him if he’s comfy with persevering with to get to know you contemplating that connection.
You might wish to agree to not speak about particulars of your budding relationship together with her, given their previous. Truthfully, it’s greatest to develop your bond privately anyway. Buddies have a approach of meddling, even when it’s unintentional.
If you happen to two hit it off nicely sufficient, do welcome him into the fold and see how all people will get alongside.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just lately have develop into pals with a gaggle of older ladies. We get alongside nice and have had some great conversations and fulfilling occasions hanging out collectively.
The factor is, they’ve far more time on their palms than I do. They’re both absolutely retired or semi-retired. They haven’t any drawback spending a leisurely afternoon having lunch and speaking the day away.
I used to be ready to try this just a little bit this summer time, however I work and have deadlines and duties. I’m discovering it troublesome to make time to remain related the way in which that they do.
I don’t need them to really feel like I’m ignoring them, however I can’t carve out hours and hours each week on weekdays to hold.
How can I get this level throughout with out making them really feel unhealthy or cease inviting me to spend time with them?
— Completely different Clock
DEAR DIFFERENT CLOCK: First, it’s great that you’ve pals throughout generations. I do my greatest to maintain people who find themselves youthful and older than me in my shut orbit. It makes life extra fascinating and retains me tapped into what’s occurring round me.
That mentioned, I, too, work — lots — and have had the same expertise.
What you are able to do is handle expectations. Be sincere about your schedule. Clarify that you simply can’t steal away on a weekday for a leisurely lunch. You will have extra time on the weekends, however even that’s spotty.
If you happen to actually wish to domesticate this bond, counsel that you simply get collectively as soon as a month. Which may be manageable for you, even when they collect extra continuously. Do your greatest to honor that month-to-month dedication.
