DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I reside in Wisconsin and are lucky to personal a second lakeside property. Through the years, we’ve prolonged invites to varied family members, providing them the prospect to remain and benefit from the lake.
Not too long ago, my husband’s shut associates requested if they may spend a weekend on the cabin with their household, and we mentioned sure. They appeared to have a beautiful time, and every little thing appeared wonderful after they left.
Nonetheless, after we went as much as the cabin per week later, we found that the dock was badly broken: Boards have been damaged, some sections have been free and all the construction was in disrepair. We have been shocked, because the dock had been completely wonderful earlier than their keep.
After we known as them to ask what had occurred, they casually talked about that their teenager had had a mishap with the dock, however the injury was minor in order that they didn’t assume it was crucial to inform us.
They didn’t present a lot rationalization, and we have been left feeling each dissatisfied and unsure about easy methods to proceed.
How will we method this example with out inflicting rigidity or awkwardness whereas nonetheless addressing the injury to the dock?
— Violated
DEAR VIOLATED: First, get an estimate of the price for the damages to the dock. Subsequent, contact your pals and inform them that you’re dissatisfied that they didn’t instantly let you know concerning the injury, but it surely was measurable.
Allow them to know the price to make the repairs, and ask them to ship you the cash. Be direct.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter simply received engaged to a person I disapprove of.
I’ve watched her fall right into a relationship with somebody I imagine will not be good for her in any respect. Over the previous two years, this man has proven more and more controlling conduct towards her. He typically belittles her in entrance of others, and he manipulates her feelings.
She has modified a lot since she started courting him, each bodily and emotionally. She’s misplaced a major quantity of weight, about 15 kilos, and her vibrant persona has dimmed. She now not laughs as she used to, and she or he appears to be strolling on eggshells round him.
Even worse, she’s grown distant from her household. We used to speak day-after-day, however now our conversations are uncommon and strained.
We’ve tried to softly urge her to rethink the connection, however she refuses to pay attention. She appears fully beneath his spell, unwilling to see the adverse affect he’s having on her.
My husband and I really feel helpless and scared for her future, however each time we deliver it up, it pushes her additional away.
Now that they’re engaged, it looks like we’ve run out of time and choices. How can we assist her see the reality with out alienating her fully?
— Misplaced Daughter
DEAR LOST DAUGHTER: It could be unattainable on your daughter to see what you see. One possibility could possibly be to advocate premarital counseling. Maybe you can even assist your daughter discover a therapist or clergyperson to satisfy with.
Another choice could possibly be to stage an intervention with family members and your daughter the place a number of folks share their considerations.
Know, nonetheless, that it may take your daughter crashing earlier than she is ready to see the reality.
