DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a stepmother to a 15-year-old woman, and I’ve been struggling to love her.
She moved in with my husband and me full-time final 12 months, and whereas I knew this transition wouldn’t be straightforward, I didn’t anticipate how a lot rigidity it will convey into our family.
She’s opinionated, moody and infrequently disrespectful to each me and her father. She talks again, doesn’t observe home guidelines and makes little effort to construct a relationship with me.
I’ve tried to be affected person and understanding, reminding myself that she’s a teen coping with her mother and father’ divorce and a brand new dwelling association. Nonetheless, I can’t shake the resentment that’s build up.
What makes it tougher is that my husband and I don’t all the time agree on deal with her habits. He usually takes a extra lenient method, whereas I really feel like we have to implement stricter boundaries. This has led to arguments between us, which provides to the strain.
How can I work on bettering my relationship with my stepdaughter and managing my very own emotions of frustration?
— Stepmother
DEAR STEPMOTHER: You and your husband have gotten to return to an settlement on family guidelines (together with clearly outlined penalties when they’re damaged), which you decide to imposing collectively.
Proceed to supply like to your stepdaughter, however achieve this whereas reinforcing what respectful habits appears like. Handle the disrespectful communication, and make it clear that it’s unacceptable. Set up penalties that you just reinforce. Additionally, create many alternatives to bond and present your loving help — even when it’s exhausting for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling to deal with the poisonous dynamics inside my crew at work.
As an alternative of collaborating to unravel issues or enhance processes, it seems like everybody is consistently pointing fingers and blaming each other for errors. This blame sport has created a tense and unproductive surroundings, and it’s beginning to take a toll on my motivation and total job satisfaction.
For instance, throughout a current mission, a deadline was missed as a result of a scarcity of clear communication between crew members. As an alternative of coming collectively to determine what went incorrect and keep away from it sooner or later, the crew resorted to a spherical of accusations and defensiveness. Nobody needed to take accountability, and nothing productive got here out of the dialog.
It’s irritating as a result of these conditions appear to repeat themselves, and the underlying points are by no means addressed.
I need to tackle this situation, however I’m uncertain how to take action with out placing myself in a susceptible place. I don’t need to come throughout as overly crucial or threat alienating myself from the crew additional.
How can I create a extra constructive and cooperative environment inside my crew?
— Teamwork
DEAR TEAMWORK: Think about bringing in a team-building professional to present your crew instruments to work collectively higher.
They will be taught workouts to conform to disagree and to work collectively regardless of variations of opinions or work kinds. Many firms have discovered such outdoors teaching useful.
Internally, create group incentives such that if the crew reaches a objective on time and properly, all people advantages. Encourage them to take the time to work collectively and to help each other by drawing upon their strengths.
