DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I dated for a short time in highschool and rekindled after school. A couple of 12 months in the past, he proposed to me, and I stated sure.
I used to be dwelling with my mother and father however finally I moved in with my fiance. It wasn’t deliberate, however I’m the oldest of a household of seven kids, so I had been spending a number of time at his place.
After I moved in, he turned much more vocal about his expectations of me as a spouse. He’s not the candy, romantic man I dated through the years.
His thought of chivalry is telling me that I’ve no want for male pals as a result of he’s the one man I would like. His thought of romance is reminding me that I’m his “forever and always.” He has change into so strict that I’m shocked.
There’s no room for me again at my mother and father’, and truthfully, I’m a bit involved how he’d react if I had been to interrupt off the engagement. What ought to I do?
— Trapped
DEAR TRAPPED: Rely your blessings that you’re seeing his true colours earlier than you stroll down the aisle. You completely mustn’t marry somebody who’s treating you this fashion.
On your security, attempt to transfer your issues out when he isn’t house. When you’ve finished that, meet him for dinner someplace, let him understand it’s over and provides him the keys. This may occasionally appear harsh, however it’s a protected solution to go away.
Don’t meet him in non-public, regardless of how strongly he suggests it.
If it looks as if he might change into violent, you’ll be able to all the time name the police and request a civil standby to have an officer current whilst you transfer your issues.
DEAR HARRIETTE: When my spouse and I acquired married, we had some clear monetary targets: pay down pupil loans, buy one other automobile, buy our first house.
On the time, neither of us had excessive salaries, however we had been decided, so we saved loads and had been selective with our spending.
Now that we’ve checked all these containers, my spouse appears to have utterly forgotten the significance of budgeting and frugality. Although we each have significantly better jobs now, we nonetheless have a mortgage to pay, to not point out the unstable economic system we’re up towards. Generally she makes giant purchases — furnishings, purses, holidays — with out even floating it previous me first.
I feel it’s irresponsible and egocentric for her to be so careless with our earnings, however possibly my supply has been fallacious. We’ve been drifting aside, and I can’t stand the considered cash being our greatest downfall.
What can I say to my spouse that can get my level throughout with out insulting her or controlling her?
— Root of All Evil
DEAR ROOT OF ALL EVIL: Invite your spouse to a method session for the long run. Remind her of how frugal you two had been within the early days. Ask her to consider the years forward and what it is advisable do to organize for them.
Speak about your retirement funds, how lengthy you suppose you’ll proceed to work and what sources you want. Recommend that you simply each reduce on spending to make sure that you find the money for on your later years.
Get her to agree on an quantity every of you’ll contribute to joint bills and financial savings every month, and check out to not fear about what she does with the rest of her personal paycheck.
