DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter is on weight-loss injections and a no-sugar food regimen.
I provided to bake her a sugar-free cheesecake for her birthday, and he or she agreed, however she requested me to make a “tester” cake three days earlier than. I defined that the cake has a prolonged preparation course of, involving a really gradual bake in a water bathtub and 12 hours chill time. She insisted on sampling it forward of time, so I made it early. She minimize a slice of it and exclaimed how nice it tasted.
Three days later, I baked and embellished a carrot cake to make use of as her “official” birthday cake, for the reason that sugar-free cake had been minimize and wouldn’t look good in photographs. (Carrot is her youngsters’s favourite.)
I hosted everybody at an costly restaurant, gave her French fragrance and a weekend getaway.
Once we returned from the dinner, my daughter angrily mentioned, “Get in here so we can cut this stupid cake, which I can’t eat!” I used to be shocked and confused.
She mentioned I shouldn’t have made a cake of a taste she dislikes; I identified that she had the sugar-free cheesecake, too. Apparently, she had anticipated me to bake a second sugar-free cheesecake.
I chewed her out for being ungrateful. Was I flawed?
— UNAPPRECIATED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: I used to be below the impression that pictures for weight reduction curbed one’s urge for food for sweets (and alcoholic drinks as effectively). Your daughter seems to have an insatiable candy tooth, sugar-free or not.
What she was angling for was two cheesecakes reasonably than one. Her perspective is entitled and ungrateful, and he or she must be ashamed of herself.
I want her luck warding off the load she loses, as a result of her possibilities aren’t nice with that perspective.
DEAR ABBY: I turned pals with “Brenda” some years in the past. We get pleasure from one another’s friendship and have many pursuits in widespread.
My drawback is {that a} yr into our friendship, she confided she had a son who was in jail for against the law I can not morally forgive.
As a result of he was in jail, I didn’t see an issue with persevering with our friendship.
Brenda simply let me know her son might be launched from jail in just a few months and might be dwelling together with her. She is going to need me to satisfy him and has indicated that she desires him to take part in a few of the actions during which now we have been collaborating.
How do I inform Brenda that I would like nothing to do together with her son however wish to proceed our friendship? Is that this even attainable?
— BRENDA’S FRIEND IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR BRENDA’S FRIEND: As soon as Brenda’s son is launched and dwelling together with her, rely on the truth that they are going to be joined on the hip until (or till) he can discover a place of his personal. It might change the dynamic of your relationship, other than whether or not he’s a felon.
Telling her you need to exclude her son from the actions the 2 of you might have loved collectively will NOT go over effectively no matter how diplomatically you phrase it, and it might spell the top of the friendship.
Should you begin backing away now, it might spark an trustworthy dialog.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
