DEAR ABBY: My son and his fiancee are getting married in just a few months. They’re planning a small reception with solely their closest family and friends.
Sadly, this excludes my late father’s second spouse, “Bonnie,” who has been in our lives for almost 40 years.
My son has no specific downside with Bonnie, however she has struggled with psychological well being points over time, and at occasions her habits created friction throughout the household. She has made no effort to welcome my son’s fiancee to the household, and, because of this, he feels no robust want to incorporate her.
I respect my son’s choice, however sadly it places me in a clumsy place. Whereas I’m not extraordinarily near Bonnie both, we’re the one household she has, and I’ve at all times made some extent of together with her in holidays and different household celebrations, even after my father’s demise a number of years in the past.
She’s individual, however she’s simply offended and will probably be devastated when she finds out she’s not invited to the reception. Right now, she is aware of my son is engaged however doesn’t know when the marriage is.
I’m fighting tips on how to inform her, if in any respect. Please assist.
— GROOM’S MOM IN THE EAST
DEAR MOM: You aren’t significantly near Bonnie. Your son is even much less so. That is HIS wedding ceremony reception, and it is best to step again and keep out of it.
When (and if) Bonnie learns in regards to the reception to which she was not invited, remind her then that the reception was small, they weren’t in a position to embrace her, and if she takes situation with it, she ought to talk about it along with your son.
DEAR ABBY: My husband handed away 10 years in the past. We had been married for 45 years. Two years in the past, my daughter set me up on a courting web site. I met and married a person I linked with there.
To at the present time, my son and daughter haven’t spoken to me!
I dwell 3 miles from them. They’ve by no means met my husband and haven’t accepted my selection. Abby, they even contacted my lawyer! He instructed them, “Your mother is an adult and can make her own decisions.”
Most of my life, I’ve helped my kids once they requested. It’s by no means straightforward to begin over, however we’re each doing our perfect.
I would like them to know my husband loves me, as I really like him. It’s not excellent, however for 45 years I went via nice and troublesome occasions. Earlier than his demise, my late husband apologized for the harm he brought on me.
How do I convey my kids again into my life and introduce my new husband to them? He sees the unhappiness I really feel.
— HOPING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HOPING: From what you’ve gotten written, you made a sensible selection in agreeing to marry your new husband.
Forgive me if this appears cynical, however when grownup kids contact a lawyer to forestall a mother or father’s marriage (to somebody they’ve by no means met), I can’t assist however suspect there could also be an inheritance concerned.
Earlier than reaching out to your kids, please schedule some classes with a licensed marriage and household therapist who can advise you ways (or if) to proceed. After which, and that is essential, talk about it along with your authorized adviser to forestall being taken benefit of.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
