DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad,” and I’ve been collectively for 10 years.
We’ve no youngsters collectively, however now we have been stepparents to one another’s youngsters for the reason that starting of our relationship.
Since now we have been collectively, now we have needed to cope with his relentless ex-wife, who’s had a number of relationships. We’ve additionally handled my ex-husband transferring out of the state and away from our daughter. To say the least, we’ve put ourselves on the again burner coping with youngsters and exes.
We’ve additionally had well being issues leading to surgical procedures for Chad, me and my daughter.
He has requested me to marry him solely when he’s popping out of surgical procedure — as soon as as he was popping out of anesthesia within the restoration room and one other time simply after we obtained dwelling from one other surgical procedure.
Am I fallacious for not taking the “post-surgery proposals” significantly?
We’ve lately develop into grandparents, and I don’t need to harm him by saying no however I really feel like I would like a very lucid proposal.
— WANTS IT FOR REAL IN UTAH
DEAR WANTS IT: You and Chad have 10 years invested on this relationship. If you need to be married to him, discuss with him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he has performed twice.
Inform him you could possibly not in good conscience maintain him to a proposal that was made whereas he was below the affect of anesthesia or ache killers, however you’d be open to it if he requested within the sober mild of day. Then cross your fingers.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been pondering loads currently about my past love. The ideas come and go, which I do know is regular.
Every week or so in the past, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, noticed her profile image and couldn’t assist however reminisce about all the nice occasions we had collectively 15 years in the past. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She has been married for 10.
I’m not seeking to rekindle a relationship. I simply really feel there was by no means official closure to our relationship, and I believe it has at all times affected my subsequent relationships.
I really like my girlfriend and really feel responsible for feeling this manner. I understand how it will have an effect on us if I had been to carry it up, which is why I’m unsure the best way to proceed.
Will the sensation cross? Will I at all times really feel this manner? Will I at all times look again at that past love and assume she was the one I used to be meant to be with, and if one factor didn’t go the best way it did, would I be?
Ought to I attain out and attempt to ask for closure?
— REMINISCING IN VIRGINIA
DEAR REMINISCING: I don’t assume so.
You and this lady have each moved on along with your lives. I see nothing optimistic to be gained by reaching again at this level, notably since you already know it may negatively have an effect on your present relationship. Enable the previous to stay up to now and let it go.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
