Pricey Eric: Mike was my buddy for greater than 50 years. We carpooled to work collectively for almost 15 years. Our bond grew even nearer when his 16-year-old son died by suicide after a wrestle with despair.
Mike appeared so robust throughout that tragedy, however I do know he suffered intense grief, and I did my finest to be there for him.
I retired first, and Mike about two years later. Sadly, shortly after retiring, Mike developed an aggressive most cancers which he valiantly fought for 3 or 4 months.
We noticed one another and he remained optimistic throughout that point. Nevertheless, when he obtained the unlucky analysis that the therapies weren’t working, he turned withdrawn and didn’t wish to see me, though we’d have occasional telephone conversations when he felt as much as it.
He’d mentioned, “I don’t want you to see me like this. Remember me the way I was.”
We spoke the day earlier than he handed. He thanked me for being his buddy for a lot of his life and insisted I not cry after I choked up throughout the dialog. It was painful however I fought it again for his sake; I broke down after we bid our ultimate farewells and promised to satisfy once more within the nice past. He wished a family-only graveside service.
Mike’s needs left a gap in my coronary heart. I misplaced my buddy, and I by no means felt I did sufficient these ultimate months or adequately bid him farewell.
Mike’s spouse by no means warmed as much as me or my spouse, and we did nothing collectively as {couples}. I did name her about 9 months after Mike died and had a pleasing dialog. Nevertheless, she’s by no means reached out and I haven’t tried to contact her once more, though I’ve questioned if I ought to.
What are your ideas?
– One other Good friend in Ache
Pricey Good friend: I’m so sorry for the lack of your buddy Mike. I do know the ache of his absence has been arduous to navigate, particularly after 50 years of friendship.
I hope you’ll be able to proceed to get closure from the information that you simply bought to say goodbye, even when it wasn’t the best way you wished to. Mike was navigating quite a bit throughout these ultimate months, and you probably did a sort and loving factor by respecting his needs for house.
Your want to achieve out to his spouse once more comes from a sort place, as properly. It could possibly be useful to each of you to discuss Mike collectively, however with no longstanding relationship, it’s arduous to inform.
As an alternative of a name, in case you really feel compelled to achieve out once more, strive sending a letter and enclosing your quantity. This offers her the choice to reply if she feels will probably be useful, or to easily admire the gesture if she’s not.
As you proceed to navigate grief, I hope you’re speaking about Mike and your emotions round his loss of life together with your family members and pals who’ve identified him. Even in case you don’t have a connection to his spouse, you’ll be able to nonetheless maintain his reminiscence alive with others.
Pricey Eric: My 22-year-old son has met a 36-year-old girl in Brazil on the web. He has fallen for her and is planning to go there this summer season for at the least three months.
My husband and I are very nervous. He doesn’t communicate the language, though he’s studying it. He hasn’t traveled by himself earlier than, and there are advisories for touring to Brazil.
We additionally fear about this girl’s motives. He has been sending her cash. One buddy cautioned that she could also be seeking to marry him as a technique to come to the US.
He’s an grownup, however we’re very nervous and don’t need him to go. What recommendation do you may have?
– Lengthy Distance
Pricey Distance: As somebody who had one of the transformational experiences of my life touring solo to Brazil, I’m unhappy about your son’s scenario as a result of it has a few of the warning indicators of a romance rip-off and there are such a lot of higher, non-scam methods to be launched to the nation.
In line with the Federal Commerce Fee, there have been greater than 64,000 reported romance scams in 2023, raking in $1.14 billion {dollars}. The FBI has a particular webpage particularly devoted to them. Go to FBI.gov or the Web Crime Grievance Heart and see if any of the frequent ways resonate with what you’re seeing in your son’s case.
There you’ll additionally discover steerage for methods to discuss to your son about what he’s doing and methods to encourage him to suppose extra critically about his actions. He’s not alone on this.
Definitely, long-distance love can and does occur. However these connecting with others they haven’t met, particularly others who’re asking for cash, must train much more prudence.
