Pricey Eric: Final August, my husband and I instructed his niece that we’d assist together with her daughter’s faculty bills. We despatched $2,000 to the faculty for the primary semester.
We acquired a thank-you textual content from his niece however nothing from the scholar. We finally instructed the grandmother, my husband’s sister, that we anticipated one thing from the scholar recognizing that we had despatched some cash. Lastly, a thank-you notice got here within the spring.
After receiving the thank-you notice, we despatched one other $2,000 to the college. Now it’s July, and we’ve acquired nothing from the woman.
What will we do? Ask once more for a thank-you notice from the woman, keep quiet and provides more cash, or keep quiet and stop giving cash?
Are we anticipating an excessive amount of? I believe we should always simply reduce her off. There are three youthful youngsters for whom we additionally wish to assist with their faculty however now we query doing something.
– Aunt and Uncle
Pricey Aunt and Uncle: Let’s get the fundamentals out of the way in which up high. The coed ought to completely be sending you thank-you notes, unprompted. She’s sufficiently old to know that and ought to be mature sufficient to do it.
Thank-you notes will not be a dying artwork, although they’ve lengthy been a supply of cultural consternation. In 1999, a reader wrote to Ann Landers about not receiving a thank-you notice after a marriage and requested if it was a brand new development. We’ve been having this dialog for many years. (Ann’s response: “No, it’s not a new trend. It’s an attempt to escape the tedious job of writing thank-you notes and, in my book, inexcusable.”)
I believe you must go to the supply, i.e., the scholar herself. And this side of my recommendation prompts a query. You write that you simply’ve been in communication together with your niece and your sister-in-law, however I’m curious what relationship you’ve got with the scholar.
If you happen to don’t have an in depth relationship together with her, there’s a world the place one might think about she thinks a thank-you textual content is enough. This isn’t a world of which I approve.
Talking to her straight and resetting the connection would possibly assist. You possibly can inform her, “we’re happy to give this money, but it’s important that when people do nice things for you, you acknowledge them.”
You too can – let’s be clear – cease sending the checks and transfer on. However this life lesson will probably be precious.
Pricey Eric: My daughter is getting married subsequent yr at a location that’s a few six-hour drive from us and accessible solely by ferry. It will likely be an out of doors wedding ceremony; there could also be a number of strolling and uneven terrain.
I don’t know whether or not or to not invite my oldest good friend. I don’t wish to offend her by not inviting her, however I additionally don’t need her to really feel obligated to journey that distance and that terrain together with her mobility points or to purchase a marriage current.
I need her to know that she is a valued good friend with out burdening her. What’s the greatest strategy?
– Torn Good friend
Pricey Good friend: Honesty could be so form. It means that you can be clear in your intent and in addition presents your good friend the prospect to make an knowledgeable choice. So, give her the total image, simply as you laid it out right here:
“Of course you’re invited to the wedding, but I want to sincerely take the pressure off. I’ve been worried about how strenuous an experience it will be.” Right here you may discuss journey and terrain particulars. Then, use the phrase that you simply utilized in your letter. “You’re a valued friend, but I don’t want to burden you. So, think about it, but know you’re welcome to stay home or to come and join us.”
Pricey Eric: I’m writing in response to the letter from “Burial Conflict,” in regards to the couple who wished to be buried collectively however had been involved in regards to the response from their youngsters from their first marriages.
As soon as the couple discusses plans, they may contact a funeral director, who would assist them to finalize their plans, intimately and in writing, and prepay the funeral prices. They may additionally buy burial websites.
If their youngsters ever inquire about burial plans, they will merely say that their funeral is deliberate and paid for.
I write as a member of the clergy with 55 years of expertise in ministry. I’ve identified many individuals who’ve deliberate and pay as you go their funerals. This at all times makes it simpler for survivors, whether or not the household is in concord or in discord.
– Burial Plans
Pricey Plans: Thanks for this nice suggestion. Others additionally steered that, along with a funeral director, the letter author must also discuss with their legal professional to ensure their needs had been clearly recorded.
