DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, together with a pal, bought hard-to-get opera tickets. We’ve appeared ahead to attending for a lot of months.
Nevertheless, we simply discovered that our companion intends to deliver her extraordinarily unruly “comfort” poodle — not solely to the opera, but in addition to a beautiful restaurant for dinner beforehand.
This canine is hyperactive and annoying; it’s not a service animal that our pal wants for seeing or listening to.
Now that we all know the canine goes, we need to bow out of the engagement, however would favor to do it within the least hurtful approach. Ought to we merely say we gained’t go if the canine comes alongside?
GENTLE READER: That isn’t the least hurtful approach, however Miss Manners agrees that being a celebration to this social gathering goes to be something however satisfying.
Your pal has put you within the inconceivable place of denying the significance of the poodle to her well-being — which you presumably haven’t any want to do — or of bearing witness to the inconveniences that you recognize this pair will impose on others on the occasion.
Whereas it could be impolite to renege on the dedication you made to attend (absent an sickness or different pressure majeure occasion), folks do make errors.
See should you can change your tickets, then apologize to your pal that you’re truly attending on a unique date. In any other case, you will need to get sick, which Miss Manners sees because the least unhealthy alternative.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We now have been buddies for a few years with a married couple and their grownup son. They’re a really rich and socially outstanding household.
The son and his fiancee, whom we now have additionally identified for a number of years, had a really elaborate vacation spot marriage ceremony; we have been invited, however needed to decline, as we have been going to be in a foreign country.
Upon our return residence, we needed to ship their reward to them, so I referred to as the son. He and his new spouse have been out of city, so he requested me to drop it by his workplace and depart it along with his personal secretary.
This was a really costly reward, fastidiously chosen, superbly wrapped and accompanied by a card expressing our greatest needs and congratulations.
It has now been over two months and never a phrase of acknowledgment has been expressed by the younger couple by cellphone, textual content or mail.
It is rather irritating to go to a lot care and energy to select a particular reward, hand-deliver it, and by no means hear a phrase of acknowledgment.
We are going to quickly start seeing the younger couple and his mother and father steadily, because the social season is starting. Once we see them, if they don’t point out the reward, how can we politely ask in the event that they preferred it?
GENTLE READER: The standard immediate is to ask the mother and father — solely as soon as, and in an embarrassed tone — if their son acquired the reward, as you haven’t heard from him.
It will, Miss Manners believes, trigger them to see {that a} thank-you observe is forthcoming — whereas disguising your request as a sound concern addressed to the couple to whom you’re closest.
Miss Manners is assured that it’s going to additionally cowl the implied insecurity within the private secretary.
