DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have now a 1-year-old grandchild who lives 90 miles from us. Our frustration comes from the dad and mom advising us to buy presents solely from their curated want checklist.
They strongly defend the checklist as their “knowing what’s best” for his or her little one. I’ve twice been rebuked for various from stated objects, as soon as by model and as soon as by shade. It’s almost unattainable to get the precise merchandise requested, given the countless decisions of kids’s merchandise on the market.
When receiving a thank-you, the objects that weren’t from the checklist will not be talked about.
Final Christmas, we have been compelled to maintain an merchandise that value $100 as a result of the dad and mom had purchased their very own model for his or her little one, and it was too late for us to return ours.
You possibly can think about our shock after we visited them and noticed our grandchild enjoying with some plastic toys, which we had been instructed have been unacceptable.
We really feel the enjoyment of buying our younger grandchild has been utterly usurped, and we don’t relish having to take action for a few years to return. Ought to we settle for this disheartened feeling and observe the checklist to maintain the peace?
GENTLE READER: No, please resist. Miss Manners doesn’t want to stay in a world by which the registry bullies win.
You may inform the dad and mom, “We enjoy getting things for Graham, and while you know what’s best for him, we like to have a little fun with it, too. Perhaps while he is young, we will just stick to experiences — like taking him to the park when we are in town — instead of giving him presents.”
As he will get older, Graham will certainly begin to have his personal opinions about what he likes to play with. And you can begin to kind your concepts extra straight from the toddler’s mouth.
[A letter apparently from the same grandparent was answered recently in the Asking Eric column. Eric had different advice.]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years in the past, I used to be identified with most cancers. I used to be extraordinarily lucky: My tumor was eliminated and I didn’t require radiation or chemo.
I’ve my screenings yearly and all has been effectively. Am I a “cancer survivor”?
I by no means wish to take something away from somebody who had a way more tough battle than I did. I don’t wish to use the time period incorrectly.
GENTLE READER: To begin with, Miss Manners want to say how lucky it’s that you’re now effectively. Even the mildest types of most cancers are scary.
Now for the admonishment:
Are you (and the remainder of the world) beneath the impression that most cancers is a contest? Or worse, a warfare to be fought?
Metaphors like “losing,” “fighting,” “succumbing” and even “surviving” the “battle” add a stigma to a scenario that was by no means a good contest.
Miss Manners would like that any such label be distributed with altogether.
If it comes up in dialog, you merely say that you simply had most cancers, and that now, fortunately, you might be doing effectively. That’s as a lot of an outline as is critical.
