In an administration stuffed to the gills with silly and craven individuals who shouldn’t be allowed to run a lemonade stand, a lot much less the federal authorities, FBI Director Kash Patel is among the stupider and extra craven creatures calling the pictures.
Even by the low requirements of 2025, Patel is embarrassingly unhealthy at his job, and you’ll see it throughout his face. He all the time seems to be vaguely consternated at studying he’s the FBI director.
As a result of Patel appears to be conscious, in some dim means, of his limitations, he is aware of he’s obtained to profit from his time within the corridors of energy. So why not grift for 2?
Positive, you’re paying for him to fly on a personal FBI authorities luxurious jet from Las Vegas to his job in Washington D.C., the place he doesn’t dwell. And positive, you’re paying for him to fly from Vegas and D.C. to his girlfriend Alexis Wilkins’ home in Nashville, the place he additionally doesn’t dwell.
And positive, you’re paying for him to fly all throughout the nation to see sporting occasions and to see Wilkins twangbellow at rubes who paid to attend a fifth-tier professional wrestling occasion. However what for those who had the chance to only make certain your taxpayer {dollars} go on to Wilkins as effectively?
Associated | Kash Patel continues to shame his workplace within the stupidest methods
Sure, Wilkins and her faux nation singing profession apparently require a full FBI SWAT staff now—sure, a SWAT staff. As within the individuals who have precise jobs preserving folks in Nashville secure throughout essentially the most vital emergencies. Positive, they wouldn’t have the ability to reply to a disaster within the Nashville space due to this, however what’s just a little terror and trepidation and hurt for the residents of Nashville within the face of Alexis Wilkins needing a babysitter?
The justification is that Wilkins has obtained dying threats due to her relationship with Patel. It is useful that since Patel heads the FBI, he will get to resolve if his girlfriend wants just a little additional safety and assign personnel accordingly.
However let’s faux for a second that Wilkins really is dealing with threats as a result of she is relationship the dimmest man on Capitol Hill. Alexis and Kash—AlexiKash? Kashexis?—might save us all some huge cash by, say, tying the knot and transferring to D.C. collectively. The place his job is. And the place he already has a safety element. And wouldn’t want a personal airplane fairly so typically.
However per Patel, Wilkins should be protected in any respect prices as a result of, effectively, let’s have the diehard romantic clarify:
The disgustingly baseless assaults in opposition to Alexis — a real patriot and the lady I’m proud to name my companion in life — are past pathetic. She is a rock-solid conservative and a rustic music sensation who has accomplished extra for this nation than most will in ten lifetimes. I’m so blessed she’s in my life.
Sure, a random Nashville woman who can’t even break 500,000 streams for one in all her tracks on Spotify and hasn’t launched any music since 2023 and performs at crappy, low-rent conservative gatherings occasions like Turning Level USA and professional wrestling occasions on our dime is principally Abraham Lincoln. You bought us there, Kash.
When all of this comes tumbling down, Patel higher hope there’s nonetheless a market in publishing poorly written kids’s books about Donald Trump.
Associated | Kash Patel can’t get sufficient of your money
God, possibly poor Kash will simply need to pivot to writing a brand new, terribly-illustrated hagiography for whoever succeeds Trump as MAGA king? Ugh, the kids’s e book about how Barron Trump defeated the merciless TikTok regulators is gonna be laborious as an instance.
