I’ve all the time had excessive requirements for myself. In my life, in my relationships, and even in my magnificence and wellness rituals. I wish to maximize each second of my life—and in the event you’re studying this, you possibly can most likely relate. For a lot of my life, I needed to work on releasing the disgrace of being “too intense” or “too ambitious” that many ladies get saddled with. However over time, I noticed there’s a fantastic line between holding your self to a excessive customary and holding your self hostage to perfection.
However right here’s the factor: once you’re used to chasing perfection, it’s simple to start out chasing approval, too. Navigating social expectations and cultural milestones could make you second-guess your self—what you need, who you might be, and whether or not you’re doing “enough.” You will get so caught up making an attempt to measure as much as the place you have to be that you find yourself on a hamster wheel, endlessly making an attempt to catch up. And no hamster wheel is extra seductive than the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel: the set of aesthetic codes and wellness rituals we inherit by means of tendencies and custom. It’s solely once you step off that you simply begin to discover what really feels such as you—and what’s simply distraction dressed up as self-improvement.
Picture above from our interview with Simone Boyce
What’s the ‘Hot Girl Hamster Wheel’?
The time period ‘Hot Girl Hamster Wheel’ was coined by Katie Gatti Tassin, aka Cash With Katie, on her podcast and not too long ago in her new e-book, Wealthy Lady Nation. However what’s the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel? In keeping with Tassin, it’s “the expensive maintenance that traditional female beauty ideals prescribe: haircuts, manis/pedis, spray tans… the list goes on.” And it’s a hamster wheel due to how a lot upkeep goes into our magnificence routines. (Which may begin to really feel extra like obligations than rituals.) And, after all, the older we get, the extra strain we really feel to do extra to look perpetually 25.
As a monetary knowledgeable, Tassin approaches this topic by asking why nobody is speaking about simply how costly it’s to be a girl. The common girl spends over $3000 a yr on magnificence, and a few of us considerably extra in the event you consider wellness remedies and in-spa procedures. However past the greenback quantity, there’s one other price of the compulsory Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel: your genuine inside radiance.
The True Price of Magnificence
Tassin acknowledges that for many people, magnificence is tied not solely to self-expression but additionally to self-care. However at what level does it shift from a wholesome method of displaying up on the planet to an exhausting effort to fulfill others’ expectations?
Once we step off the hamster wheel, we are able to reconnect with what makes us really feel like ourselves—and let go of what makes us really feel like any person else.
Beneath, we unpack how the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel can subtly form your routines—and methods to reclaim your magnificence rituals with intention and ease.
Are you on the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel?
Keep in mind how thrilling magnificence used to really feel? From my center college inauguration into sparkly lip gloss and much more sparkly eyeshadow to experimenting with merchandise in early maturity, I keep in mind how euphoric it felt to play gown up and discover pleasure in my very own face. It felt like a canvas to discover—till it didn’t. One way or the other, my face began to really feel like an issue to pluck and peel and paint into submission.
The worst a part of all of it? It labored. I bought hooked on the sensation of exterior validation I bought from performing magnificence as I had seen it marketed in magazines and on social media. Out of the blue, my routine began to really feel like an obligation, not an journey.
In keeping with Tassin, the hamster wheel creeps up on you thru upkeep—as a result of, as she places it, “each and every treatment, service, and product must be maintained.” Like countless streaming subscriptions, you usually don’t understand how a lot time, effort, and cash you’re spending to maintain up appearances till you pause and ask a easy query: why?
Should you really feel such as you’re on a journey you possibly can’t get off—and your magnificence rituals go away you extra drained than fulfilled—you could be on the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel. Most of us find yourself there sooner or later. As a magnificence editor, I’m always balancing my love for magnificence and wellness with the fragility of perfectionism.
However what if each step of your magnificence routine felt devotional as an alternative of dutiful? What in the event you freed up that point, cash, and psychological house for what truly brings you pleasure? Once I deal with what feels good quite than what earns compliments, I discover the braveness to step off the validation wheel—and again into myself.
Step Off the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel
Calculate the Prices
For Tassin, stepping off the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel began with a monetary incentive. She realized she was spending greater than 10% of her annual revenue on costly magnificence upkeep. Much more alarming, she realized she usually used magnificence routines as a solution to self-soothe. She would e-book a wax and hair remedy and mani-pedi every time she felt unhappy—all the time discovering that she emerged much less fulfilled.
Possibly the creeping prices of your magnificence routine alarm you, too—or possibly the toll is extra emotional. My wake-up name got here once I realized my magnificence maintenance had develop into an alternative to true relaxation. I used to be searching for a reset in my month-to-month facials and a second of calm in my manicures. However once I started discovering these emotions in real wellness rituals, I noticed how a lot I’d been clinging to comfort and behavior.
For you, the associated fee could be time, effort, or resolution fatigue. So usually, we pile on extra merchandise and practices with out actually being intentional about our why. And a scarcity of intentionality is on the coronary heart of most inner dissonance.
Pare Again Your Routine
What would occur in the event you canceled your upkeep appointments for the subsequent month? Should you stripped again to the naked minimal of your magnificence rituals—from a minimalist skincare routine to a barefaced (or no-makeup make-up) product toolkit?
This isn’t about changing into a magnificence minimalist in the event you don’t wish to be. Going again to fundamentals provides you a whole reset. It additionally helps you face any residual concern about not being your most put-together self. Like moving into a chilly plunge, it may be uncomfortable at first, however you’ll be stunned at how invigorated you are feeling after.
Have No Disgrace About Your Non-Negotiables
There are specific stuff you may not wish to hand over—the rituals that really feel important to your self-expression or that you simply’ve refined over years of observe. Once I gave up mani-pedis, I noticed I didn’t want them month-to-month; saving them for an occasional deal with truly made them really feel extra luxurious. However any time I’ve tried to do much less with my hair, I find yourself pissed off and, actually, barely recognizing myself within the mirror.
My month-to-month hair appointments keep. So does my elaborate skincare routine. Understanding my non-negotiables helps me recognize which rituals make me really feel most like myself—and that are merely good to have.
Reintroduce the Issues You Miss
Identical to private type, having your personal magnificence toolkit helps you outline your signature look. Ask your self: What routines make your soul sing? Which merchandise do your palms instinctively attain for? What appointments do you secretly miss including again to your calendar?
Some folks really feel bare with out a pink lip. I used to rely mascara as my must-have—till I noticed that curling my lashes is sufficient for me (although others would possibly think about that sacrilege). On the flip facet, discovering that I might by no means hand over my under-eye tightening remedy made me recognize it much more. I used to fret it was “too much” and saved it for particular events, however now it’s one in all my favourite elements of my every day ritual.
When each step of your routine is curated for you—not for anybody else—the dread of spending an hour in your make-up disappears. It turns into a ritual, not an obligation.
Give Your self Permission to Evolve
Tassin stated it greatest: “[My beauty habits] were fossilized in my self-esteem. I had to chip away at a lot more than just dollars and cents in order to unpack my financial decisions in the beauty realm.”
Typically, our magnificence rituals develop into the armor we put on to really feel secure shifting by means of the world. They usually’re not nearly vainness—fairly privilege is actual, together with the racial, ageist, and class-based expectations that form our definition of magnificence. Stepping off the Sizzling Lady Hamster Wheel can deliver up sophisticated feelings that run deeper than whether or not or to not ditch your lip liner.
Don’t ignore these emotions. Journal them out. Sit with them. This reflection is a part of uncovering your why—and creating house on your instinct to information your rituals, main you towards your most genuine, radiant self.
Most significantly, give your self permission to evolve. You may not change a single factor about your magnificence habits, otherwise you would possibly allow them to shift with the seasons of your life—like intuitive consuming or dopamine dressing. What issues is that you simply lead with intention. As a result of true radiance doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from alignment.
