DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter simply discovered that my husband is having an affair.
She stumbled upon a number of textual content messages on his cellphone when she answered a name for him. It was harmless sufficient; she wasn’t snooping, however she did discover this incriminating info.
As a substitute of talking to him, she advised me. I didn’t know that he was concerned with somebody, although we have now been going by way of some challenges for the previous yr or so.
I want to handle this with my husband, however I need to defend my daughter, too. I worry that he’ll retaliate in opposition to her somewhat than dealing with as much as what he has carried out. How ought to I deal with this?
— An Affair Uncovered
DEAR AN AFFAIR EXPOSED: Select a time to talk along with your husband when your daughter isn’t in the home. Inform him you already know about his affair, and ask him to inform you what he desires.
Level out that you already know issues have been strained between you, however till lately you had no thought he was stepping out on you. You two want to handle your points and work out a method ahead. Ask him to respect you adequate to do this.
If he pushes again and needs to understand how you discovered, you may defend your daughter and never inform him about her.
If he must understand how grave the scenario is as a result of she additionally is aware of, inform him the reality and you should definitely give her the heads up, however this actually is between you and him. She shouldn’t be concerned.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My buddy is upset with me as a result of I didn’t defend her throughout a heated argument in a gaggle chat with a few of our mutual buddies.
I didn’t really feel I ought to become involved. The dialog had escalated rapidly, and I assumed it was higher to remain impartial. Now she’s distant and barely responds when I attempt to attain out.
I really feel caught in an ungainly place. I need to respect her emotions and rebuild our connection, however I don’t need to apologize for staying out of drama I didn’t really feel was mine.
I’ve identified her for years, and it’s upsetting to see our friendship strained over one thing that seems like a misunderstanding. I preserve replaying the scenario in my head, questioning if there was a method I might have dealt with it otherwise.
Each time I see her in individual or in different chats, the strain is palpable, and I hate feeling like we’re drifting aside over one thing so small. I simply don’t need this to turn into a everlasting wedge between us.
How do I strategy her in a method that reveals I care about our friendship, acknowledges her emotions and repairs the belief with out making issues extra awkward or confrontational?
— Damaged Friendship
DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP: Contact her and inform her you need to clear the air. Ask if she is keen to speak.
Inform her you may see she stays upset in regards to the group chat you each participated in. You possibly can say you might be sorry that she is upset with you, however you keep that that was not a battle you felt it is best to take part in. Inform her you miss her and hope you may restore your friendship.
Hearken to no matter she has to say and reply accordingly. You possibly can reiterate that you’re sorry she is harm.
