DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been collectively for 16 years and have what I take into account to be a cheerful marriage.
My query considerations ongoing conversations we have now been having about my hair colour. The primary couple of years we had been collectively, my hair was grey, after which I dyed it crimson. Whereas I do know he liked it, I did it for one cause: I wished to keep away from getting old myself unnecessarily within the office. My husband knew this.
Two years in the past, now retired, I made a decision to cease coloring my hair. Since then, he regularly mentions that he desires me to return to crimson hair. I’ve advised him repeatedly that I’m unwilling to try this.
He says he liked me a lot after I was a redhead (does that imply he loves me much less now?) and that my “going gray” has made him really feel outdated.
I’m dismayed and irritated by his persevering with marketing campaign to have me colour my hair once more, and I’ve mentioned so. He even brings it up in entrance of our mates, which feels to me as if he’s making an attempt to collect exterior assist for his argument. I like my grey hair.
It saddens me that my husband finds me much less enticing or that my grey hair will be the cause he “feels old,” however I’m wondering why my hair colour alternative bears that burden of accountability.
Isn’t it rightfully my alternative? I wouldn’t dream of directing him about easy methods to put on his hair. Your ideas?
— SILVER GIRL IN NEW YORK
DEAR GIRL: This shouldn’t be an influence battle, which it seems it has become.
Sure, your hair colour is your alternative, and rightfully so.
Would carrying a crimson wig when your husband is feeling amorous be a workable compromise? If he “feels old” when he sees grey hair, maybe coloring his personal hair would make him really feel youthful.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve labored efficiently within the artistic arts most of my skilled life. My downside? My partner by no means misses a chance to denigrate my work.
If I present an uncommon inspiration or spark of creativity which I’m pleased with, they immediately discover fault and say it’s not a great or legitimate thought. It’s crushing! This might destroy our lengthy and glad marriage.
It’s painful as a result of I really like my partner in each method. I’m all the time respectful and supportive of their skilled work.
— NO VALIDATION IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NO VALIDATION: Spouses are imagined to assist one another. Is your partner equally profitable of their artistic and work endeavors? If the reply isn’t any, they might be jealous of, or threatened by, your success. They may be insensitive about how their remarks have an effect on you.
Have you ever requested your partner why they’re trashing your work? When you’ve got and the response was unsatisfactory, a strategy to take care of this can be to inform your partner you favor that any further, they maintain their opinion to themself, and give up trying to them for validation.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
