Deceitfulness and betrayal, deeply personal and often shattering, destroys trust and alters lives forever. Its impact lingers long and goes far beyond the imagination, leaving the betrayed with disillusionment, resentments, lowered self-esteem, anger, and a sense of loss. But, when the betrayal comes from one close to our heart, it is especially devastating.
Vernon Baumrind’s newly published book, DECEIT v. DECEIT, portrays this brilliantly. But, better than that, it is an excellent instructive example for us all as to how best to respond to similar circumstances; where the offended can triumph and turn bad to good. While the book is a TRUE story of marriage destroyed by infidelity, it’s not the usual story of infidelity. Instead, it is a unique story; one that involves the capture by wiretap of verbatim salacious conversations including that of a controlling, predatory gynecologist whose sole objective is to leverage his power with selected innocent women who visit him for health and gynecological purposes. The story runs the gamut of emotions from heartbreaking and painful to gripping, drama to hope and victory of truth. Throughout there are compelling characters as the intriguing plot weaves through dynamic relationships caught in lively twists and turns – all true.
Betrayal: Breach of Trust
At its core, betrayal is a breach of trust. Whether through dishonesty, the revelation of secrets, turning on someone trusted, or infidelity, as in this story, it often, rises from selfish motives, leaving the victim grappling with the jarring revelation of disloyalty, damaged self-esteem, anxiety, depression, mistrust and doubt of oneself. The emotional and psychological toll of betrayal has profound consequences.
In DECEIT v. DECEIT, betrayal is exhibited in its starkest form: infidelity. A wife’s reckless actions with her gynecologist unravels her marriage and the peace and security of her children’s lives. This betrayal serves as a lens through which the author explores the far-reaching, devastating consequences of disloyalty and deceit.
Response to Betrayal: A Case Study
Response to betrayal typically results in anger and rage. In the case of DECEIT v. DECEIT, the story begins with a seemingly perfect family unit that has disintegrated for reasons that are not initially known until the husband realizes his wife is cheating and he learns she is obsessed with her doctor, i.e., her gynecologist. The children are in jeopardy and the husband, in the midst of this devastating revelation, opts to control his emotions, to contain his impulses, to keep all that he has learned to himself and to prepare for a custody battle ahead to protect the children. If he does otherwise, his chances of protecting the children are naught. As the story develops, it becomes clear that the doctor is a sex-addicted predator and the wife has fallen prey. A fierce battle ensues between good and bad. The father’s love for his children and his determination to protect them gives him the strength to persevere while experiencing emotional turmoil and challenging legal and ethical issues. His response is complex. With the pervasion of this adversity, he is determined to validate the truth and the behavior of the antagonists. In the process, he employs his own form of deceit – secretly recording the conversations of the antagonists by wiretap and by hiring detectives, attorney and child psychiatrist. Here the story showcases the reverse side of deceit – a righteous deceit combatting a destructive deceit – thus, the title, DECEIT v. DECEIT.
Psychological Weight of Betrayal
Betrayal exacts a psychological toll that can shatter the faith of any relationship, with collateral damage as conflict rages. It destroys trust and uncovers uncomfortable truths about human vulnerability and the fragility of relationships. The story highlights these conditions straightforward.
Morality or Justice and the Role of Resilience
For one with strength and character, there is the opportunity for resilience, rather than resorting to despair and destructive behavior, by channeling one’s responses into a constructive pursuit of reconciliation or justice. In this story, the protagonist struggles with his true desire for reconciliation, but, as events unfold, he is left with no choice but justice – but there is only a ray of hope for that. The protagonist’s fight for justice underscores the power of right over wrong and morality over selfishness. It raises awareness of the importance of resilience, as he rises to the occasion, pursues what, under the circumstances, becomes most important, and fights for legal custody of his children and the security of their futures. The importance of this story is in its inspirational value as encouragement to others in their fight for similar, to pursue right over wrong and to turn negative into positive. The importance in telling this story lies in the intrinsic value of its embedded lessons and warnings. The writing of the story after many years of thought and reflection raises awareness to what happens when abominable behavior, as that of the trusted professional in this case, encounters no resistance. In this story, the wife’s acquiescence and her facilitation of the medical doctor’s behavior provided the pathway that devastated her family. For the betterment of posterity, exposing the behavior that takes place in this account is the best way to combat it. The author makes the salient point of the book that, “Awareness is power!”
Final Thoughts
Betrayal is a universal experience that can be deeply personal. This true story exemplifies the complexity of this human experience, imparting timeless lessons and wisdom. The devastation of betrayal can prompt either disaster or resilience; and how we respond to it determines the outcome, unfavorable or favorable; and, ultimately, our future. In the case of DECEIT v. DECEIT, the futures of the children were the motivation for the action taken by the protagonist.
