DEAR MISS MANNERS: A relative of mine died all of a sudden in her condo. She lived alone, and sadly it was a number of days earlier than she was discovered, alongside along with her canine (who’s doing high-quality).
The one that found her physique was a safety guard in her constructing; he had a heat however professionally distanced relationship with my relative and her canine.
He’s been very variety and useful by way of the post-death technique of managing my relative’s condo, and I get the sense that the expertise of discovering her within the condo was tough for him.
My household intends to ship the safety guard a heartfelt card thanking him for all he’s performed and for being a form and frequent presence in my relative’s life. However I ponder if one thing extra substantial is warranted — a present card, verify or donation to a favourite trigger in his identify, maybe (although I don’t know him nicely sufficient to invest what a favourite trigger is likely to be).
Is there etiquette for this type of factor?
GENTLE READER: Etiquette for what you need to ship the one that discovers your deceased relative? No. Any kind of financial current will really feel insufficient.
Miss Manners encourages you as an alternative to place the vitality into that letter, thanking the gentleman profusely for attending to such a monumental and probably harrowing state of affairs with a lot grace.
Though, now that she thinks of it, bottle of wine won’t be remiss.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a longtime buddy who has a behavior of ready till the final minute to verify plans and even make them.
One Sunday morning, she requested me if I want to come over and go for a stroll someday that week after which keep for dinner. I stated, “Does Wednesday work for you? It looks like the weather will be OK that day.”
On Tuesday evening at 8:30, she responded, “We can’t go tomorrow now because I’ve been called about getting a CT scan done for my implant.”
She has been doing this for no less than 20 years. How do I kindly inform her that what she is doing just isn’t respectful with out getting her mad?
GENTLE READER: If she has been getting scans on her implant for 20 years, there may actually be one thing fallacious right here. But when what you meant is that she has been developing with 20 years’ price of emergency excuses, Miss Manners suggests you say, with a apprehensive tone, “I have to tell you: I am afraid to make plans with you. Every time we do, something perilous comes up. I do not wish to put you in any danger!”
As for making these annoying last-minute plans? Think about that maybe she is acquainted with her personal proclivity to cancel and truly needs to carry herself accountable. It doesn’t imply you need to prefer it, however if you wish to see her, it is likely to be the one manner.
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