DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I’ve at all times been shut, however recently our relationship has been feeling strained, and I feel it has loads to do with how she always compares our youngsters.
Each time we’re collectively, she makes feedback about how far more superior her daughter is or how her son is best behaved. She’ll say issues like, “Well, mine was already reading at that age,” or “Maybe you should try what we do, it seems to work.” Typically it’s refined, however different instances it feels downright aggressive.
At first, I disregarded her feedback as a result of I assumed she was simply happy with her youngsters and perhaps didn’t understand how her phrases have been coming throughout. Over time, it’s actually began to put on on me. I discover myself dreading household gatherings or holding again updates about my very own children as a result of I do know it should result in some type of comparability or judgment.
I need to speak to my sister about it, however I’m afraid that if I carry it up, she’ll get defensive or accuse me of being overly delicate. How can I ask her to cease making these comparisons?
— Cease the Comparisons
DEAR STOP THE COMPARISONS: Have been the 2 of you aggressive once you have been youngsters? Is there any competitors between you immediately? In that case, contemplate what your life was like earlier than and if any of this habits is harking back to the previous.
Both means, inform your sister you have to speak to her. Convey up your issues. Describe what occurs when you’re collectively. Give her a few examples of how she talks in regards to the youngsters and the way it makes you are feeling.
Clarify that you’re starting to really feel uncomfortable speaking about your youngsters in her presence given how she engages round them. Ask her to cease with the comparisons and love the youngsters for who they’re.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My greatest pal, “Pam,” doesn’t imagine in marriage.
She grew up with single mother and father, and I feel that had an influence on her view of long-term dedicated relationships. That’s honest.
For so long as I’ve identified her, although, she pokes enjoyable at or bullies individuals who have extra conventional values. That’s not honest.
A brand new pal of ours, “Amy,” who’s youthful and a tad impressionable, prefers so far with the objective of marriage and a household in thoughts. She dates just one particular person at a time and takes it critically. The opposite day, Pam requested why Amy refuses so far extra individuals and if she thinks subjecting herself to at least one particular person is what is going to change her life.
Later, I instructed Pam that she’s means too vital of individuals’s decisions relating to relationship and marriage, and he or she didn’t take it nicely. How can I get by way of to her?
— Robust Opinions
DEAR STRONG OPINIONS: Have a sit-down with Pam, and inform her you’ve got bitten your tongue about this matter, however you have to handle it head-on.
She is entitled to her way of life — simply as others are. You discover it impolite and generally imply to belittle individuals for having totally different views about relationships. Ask her to cease, particularly with this impressionable younger lady.
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