Miss Manners: The commencement invitation now sounds virtually like a risk

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Each commencement season, my nonagenarian mom receives invites to at the very least one commencement. (She has over 20 grandchildren.)

Final yr, she attended one faculty commencement, an hour’s drive away, throughout which she was unable to see the graduates. One other commencement, farther away, was missed with the mother and father’ blessing.

Now my niece is ending her specialty in drugs and dearly needs my mom to attend the ceremony, 10 hours away by automotive. My mom declined.

Now my sister and my sister-in-law — the graduate’s mom — are pressuring her to go. Considered one of them advised my mom that her religious adviser stated that turning down an invite was insulting and hurtful and may by no means be achieved. Effectively, that’s simply nuts!

I’m fairly aggravated. Is my mom’s refusal of this invitation a fake pas of exponential proportions, as has been urged?

GENTLE READER: Think about a world through which it was improper to say no any invitation:

An acquaintance invitations you to come back over for a house-painting social gathering. A rejected lover invitations you on a visit. A youngster invitations you to go skydiving.

“Just nuts,” as you will have already concluded.

So as a substitute of brooding, Miss Manners recommends explaining gently to your family members that whereas your mom is gratified that they’re wanting to have her, repeated urging — although meant to be flattering — is barely making her really feel unhealthy that she shouldn’t be bodily as much as going.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I’ve joined a health membership. The coverage of the gymnasium is that members don’t discuss on their telephones within the exercise space.

Whereas there’s little or no of that, many individuals do discuss with one another and textual content on their telephones. The issue is that they sit on the machines whereas doing so — generally for 5 or 10 minutes.

Since many of those individuals are extra muscular and intimidating than we’re, is there a nonconfrontational manner we are able to ask to make use of the gear whereas they end their dialog in one other spot?

GENTLE READER: Shouldn’t you be nonconfrontational even towards people who find themselves not able to beating you up?

Miss Manners is grateful for something that stops individuals from turning into belligerent, which is what she gathers you imply by confrontational. However she hopes there’s something moreover concern of violence stopping individuals from treating others harshly — presumably respect, the idea of goodwill and the will for a harmonious group.

The nonconfrontational strategy on this case can be to say, “Excuse me, are you still using this machine?” Ought to they refuse to maneuver, you need to attraction to administration — but in addition politely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you fend off impolite questions from co-workers equivalent to, “That’s a nice sweater. Is it new?”

They usually wish to scrutinize each thread and sew on my attire as they ask this query.

Whereas I don’t thoughts compliments about my garments, I do thoughts the judgment that follows these supposedly considerate remarks.

GENTLE READER: Except that is accompanied by a leer, Miss Manners would take into account it extra tedious than deliberately impolite. However you may simply dismiss it with, “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”