DEAR MISS MANNERS: My household and I are massive followers of potluck dinners.
We offer a considerable predominant dish, plus generally dessert or salad, and benefit from the number of dishes our friends deliver — generally even being left a few of their choices to take pleasure in later.
Internet hosting this fashion additionally implies that those that have particular dietary wants, or who’re choosy eaters, may have meals they will eat. They’ll have what they introduced, if nothing else.
This labored nice for years, till the day a visitor got here to me and stated there was nothing they may eat. The one meals Restricted Weight loss plan Particular person had introduced was a tiny salad.
I rummaged round within the freezer to see what I may thaw out on brief discover. When I discovered one thing, RDP stated they’d already had that this week and wished one thing else. “This is what I have,” I informed RDP, and began thawing the merchandise and cooking some pasta to go along with it.
Quickly, somebody arrived with a dish RDP may eat, in order that they ate that and never what I had ready for them.
I informed my husband that if this occurred once more, I’d let him cope with RDP. He’s the one which invitations this individual, whom he feels sorry for as a result of they don’t have any buddies.
Was there a greater solution to have dealt with this?
GENTLE READER: Though it’s clear why this individual has no buddies, you might have feigned a bit extra sympathy than you felt.
Miss Manners will name issues even — and comply with proceed with the plan to let your husband cope with your troublesome visitor subsequent time — if you’ll remind your husband to select one thing up for stated visitor earlier than the subsequent occasion.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I speak about my preferences for the artwork I eat with out demeaning others’ tastes or seeming like a snob?
For instance, a lot of my buddies take pleasure in superhero motion pictures and cartoons. I don’t; I don’t discover these motion pictures fascinating or unique. I acknowledge, although, that the love my buddies have for these big-name franchises is deep!
I don’t wish to make my buddies really feel lesser for his or her tastes. I additionally don’t wish to feign curiosity, or say, “I wouldn’t watch that myself, but I’m glad you like it!” as each really feel condescending.
How can I respectfully focus on artwork when there are such diverging tastes?
GENTLE READER: Friendship requires reciprocity, so if you’re unwilling to hear, at the least sometimes, to them speaking concerning the entertainments they take pleasure in, you’ll both should restrict your discussions with them to subjects of recognized mutual enthusiasm — or discover different buddies.
As a lifelong opera lover, Miss Manners believes that should you can sit by a cartoon or two in alternate for introducing them to the fitting opera — one stuffed with the intercourse and violence they relish, which shouldn’t be onerous to seek out — you would possibly discover that the artwork itself is its personal greatest champion.
